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The Dunstan Times Webnews

Papers re Fache 1866 >

 A meeting of Otago High School "Old Boys" was held at the Grand Hotel on Saturday evening. A committee, with Messrs. G. Fache and G. Hendry as joint secretaries, was set up to make necessary arrangements for a smoke con- cert, to bo held at an early dsite.
thousands wounded and...Bert Fache  ....Crowley, Dawler, Wagg, Shirtchffe, - Patterson, Axelten, Fache.

member of the Otago High School Board of Governors). Major A. R. Hislop was in command of the column, with Capt. G. Goldie, and lieuts. G. Fache, ??

I just got the shivers when I saw the posting of the proposed 2012 reunion. I looked at the Old Boys site only after finding an article on George Cox Fache O.B.E. (my great-grandfather's) OBHS-OB news article  pasted below here....he was secretary of the old boys and many other things!  I have been thinking of the school as I have a math certificate of his dated (if I recall correctly) 1884. I have been studying our remarkable family from France to England then sailing to NZ. I had thought to return his papers to the school. Perhaps I could be involved in the 2011 event. I have been here in Canada since 1973 but I had already planned to attend my Wellington College Old Boys 40 years on reunion in Oct. 2012. I would love to talk to you further. I have a keen interest in journalism and have written extensively on several subjects. One volume, An Incredible Life would value an opinion towards possible publishing. Also, I keep a website: dunstan-times000.tripod in memory of its original founder G.C. Fache's dad, George Fache. They apparently loved the name George; I am Michael George! I get about 3,000 visits per month on that site. I was also planning a commemeration to George Fache’s 150th anniversary of the founding of the Dunstan Times in 2012 @ Clyde, N.Z. Could you take a minute to write me? Mike Forster, Brampton, Ontario

Jan 11 1910 Hawera
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Dec 28 1909  Rugby
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FEB 3 1888
 
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July 19 1894
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 Jan 6 1883

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Oct 17 1868

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July9 1896

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July 26 1894
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etc... Oct 5 1893 bit
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Aug 21 1915
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Sept 11 1915  HOME AGAIN  SICK AND WOUNDED THE TAHITI'S PASSENGERS GIVEN HEARTY RECEPTION The second big batch of sick and wouriaed soldiers to return to New Zealand arrived by the troopship Tahiti today. The grey painted liner made port shortly after midnight and 'anchored in stream, where she remained^ until she could be cleared by the authorities. The medical and records staffs went off at 7.30 a.m., and were soon busily engaged lin examining the men, -arranging , their . conveyance tO'Varioits parts of New Zealand, and paying them, etc. • With some ■ (491( 491 men on -board- all told this was no .'.'small task. .The total included 27 hosl pital cases and 59 convalescents. v Later . in the morning the Tahiti was visited by the Hons. James Allen (Minister of Defence), A. L. Herdman (Minister of Justice), and G. W. Russell -•i (Minister of Public Health), Brigadier.General Robin. (Officer Commanding the *;Forces), Surgeon-General Henderson (Director of -Medical Services), and Lieu tenant-Colonel Pilkington. (Adjutant ..General). At 11 a.m. the press, repre•sentatives followed in the Janie Seddou. ' The Tahiti, per arrangement, berthed " at the Glasgow Wharf at 3 p.m. TAHITI'S ROLL OF HONOUR I" ' THE -OFFICIAL LIST. . . •//_ Following is the official list of the • sick and wounded> - the -names of the respective drafts. (Main' Body, etc-)" with ;Ayhich the men. left New Zealand being ; given within parentheses: — ::: -hospital cases  OTAGO MOUNTED RIFLES. ' Adam, Alexander (2nd) Bewley, Thos. Wm. James Stanley (3rd) Bossward, Arthur George (3rd) Carter, Thos. Puleford Wallater (2nd) Edwards, Leslie (M.8.) Fache, Bert. (M.8.) Field, Norman Samson (M.8.) Fraser, R. (M.8.) Hamilton, William Reston (M.8.) Kerr,
 
July 16 1902   CLYDE. July B.— On Saturday evening bst tho various districts throughout Vincent Countywere represented by some CO { entlemen, whomet at the Dv istau Hotel, Clyde, for the purpose of entertaining Mr Macgcorge, late county engineer, at a smoke concert on the eve of his departure from Clyde, v.here he has resided during the past quarter of a century. Mr R.bert Gilkiaon presided, the vice-chair being occupied by Mr John Butlsr, member of the Vincent County Council. The toast of "The King" was duly honoured and a verse of tho National Anthem Ming, after which the chairman proceeded with the reading of numerous letters of apology from friends who were unable lo attend the function. It was (the chairman remarked) his pleasing duty to say that the Kicg's convalescence was the cause of much joy to all. It was also pleasing to see such a. large and representative g.itnering present to do honour to Mr Macgeorge, the guest of tho evening. They were i>re&?nt to say farewell to an old and valued friend. As Mr Macgeorge rright claim to be an old identity of the district, he (Mr Gilkiso^) would like to have seen, an older identity than he could claim to be occupying the char. AYe miut ever regret any severance of old end /alued connections, and - he was sure those present f-lt keenly the departure from amongst thon' of such a. gocd man and so good a citizen aa Mr Macgeorgp. The district could ill afford to lose ench ;i cluab'c resident. Mr Macgeorgp, it was known, wa- always xvjlhn^ to do his share in lecal affairs. H'; was of great assistance in 1 mhipg forward all matters affecting local public nstuutions. In lehgious matters ho took ai.d active and greatly appr?ciated part in his position of lay-reader at St. Michael's, a position fcr which ho wa? preeminently qualified Piofessionaliy he was rrergetic and painstaking, the splendid bridges spanning tho broad livers within the > oiuity being monuments oi his skill and ability aa an engineer. The roads throughout the county are, he (the speaker) claimed, better than those in other counties in the interior. Koi such convcii:»iice-> they were largely indebted to Mr Macgeorgp, as county engineer. In the matter of continuous service Mr Macyeorge had put up a record, inasmuch as he had been in the s>c vice of the Vincent County Counci 1 since ihe date of the inauguration of the county system in New Zealand to the present day. Deep regret was felt at the news of his intended departure from Clyde. On behalf of the resident;* of Vincent County he had much pleasure in presenting Mr Macgiorge with a* silver entree set, soup tureen, nnd a set of fruit knives and forks of silvei and pcr.il. He (the chairman) was desired tc bay that the best wishes oi thg giveis accompanied Ihe presmts. Mr Smith, Luggtte, on behalf of the contractors and employees of the council, asked Mr Macgeorge's acceptance of a spirit stand and ware. There was, be said, tho best of good feeling between the engineer and the employees. He had found Mr Macgeorge always fair between the council and the workers. The small present would be a reminder of the employees' good wishes towards Mi Macgeorgc» on the eve vi his departure from Clyde. He...

jrould »Bk those present to charge their glasses ■tod toast the health of their guest. The toast was drunk with musical honoars. Messrs Butler, Naylor, Hyde, Fache, Dickie, fend M'Swan spoke to the toast.

Mr Macgeorge in reply, thanked the speakers for their kind remarks about Himself; also Cor their expressions of esteem of Mrs Macjgeorge. It was cheering to hint to find that Mrs Macgeorge was appreciated amongst her kieighbotirs. It was also cheering to him to pear such outspoken expressions of goodwill towards himself, and to think that his friends deemed him worthy c<f such valuable and handsome presents on the occasion of his leaving Clyde. His connection with the council was 'pver of the pleasantest kind. Since coming here, some 25 years ago, he had seen great changes for good in the district. In Mata|t*nui and Ida Valley those changes were ino3t marked, settlement having advanced steadily in those discricts, where the greater area of arable land was procurable. He was positive that a splendid future was in store tfor the inland districts, if only the railway jwere pushed on lo meet further requirements. «He regretted leaving Clyde, but he asEured Ithose present that their opinions of himself »nd Mra Macgeorge, as expressed that evenling, would cheer him in future. He thanked them for their very handsome presents, and m conclusion had much pleasure in proposing the (toast of "The Health of Hi 3 Successor." The Koast waa duly honoured, after which Mr Culhbertson responded in a neat little speech. £fhe nafceeding-; were interspersed with songs, {Mr EiStSn acting as accompanist. The singling of "Auld lang syne" brought a very plea- Bant evening to ?. clos?.

July 18 1914

OPPOSITION METHODS. CHARGES WITHOUT FOUNDA- . TIONS. ' WELLINGTON, July "14. Thames, neglect <f duties in failing- to report " certain scandals concerning- Constable after becoming awaxe of same, admonished. Mr Fisher, in conclusion said that this officer finished up his career in the police with a good conduct medal, and only two marks against him, one of ; which was because he would not "peach" upon a mate. . It was only fair to place these records in Hansard. Mr Fisher also read a highly satisfactory report regarding* Mr Steevens from Mr- G. C Fache, Commissioner of Pensions O.B.E..

June 10 1920         SOCIAL AND DANCE will be held in SEDDON HALL, MOANA, on SATURDAY, June 12th in aid of School Funds. Efficient M.C. Good -•music .and specially prepared floor. ■Gents 2/(5, Ladies 1/-. t PUBLIC NOTICES. TV/TEDICAL OFFICER FOR WAR i PENSION EXAMINATIONS APPLICATIONS arc invited from registered practitioners who ha"o seen active service overseas in the recenr war for the position of PART-TIME MEDICAL OFFICER at GEEYMOUTH Appointees will be required to exam- ine all Avar pensioners referred to them a uniform f'eo being payable for each examination Application must be lodged not later than the lGth June, 1920, ""with the un- dersigned. G. C. FACHE. Conmiisioner of Pensions, Wellington.
 
 
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Feb 21 1920
. The War Pensions Board sat here yesterday and reviewed the pensions of a number of ex-soldiers. The Board which visits Hokitika on Monday, consists of Messrs R. G. A. Cooper (Chairman); G. C. Fache, Commissioner or Pensions; Dr A. W. Izard and J. D. Harper, Returned Soldiers' Representative. . . The Mayor (Mr Lynch) has communicated with Mayors of other West Coast towns and County Chairmen regarding arrangements to convey as many people as possible to Greymouth on the occasion of the visit of the Prince of Wales. Special facilities are to be afforded for assembling returned soldiers so that they may meet the Prince. All proposals for receptions to His Royal Highness must have the Government's approval.
 Aug 5 1915 Even Post
 Mr. George Fache, an old and muchrespected resident of Central Otago, died at Queens'town a few days ago, aged 85 years. The deceased gentleman was born in London and went out to Australia in the 50's. After trying his luck on the Ballarat, Bendigo. and other Victorian goldfields, be was attracted to Otago in 1862 by the news of the rich discoveries at Gabriel's Gully. From there ho went to the West Coa&, and after some time returned to Central Otago. He established himself in business at the Dunstan, and until 1896 he was one of the most prominent men in that part of the Dominion. Ho was for a number of years proprietor of the Dunstan Times, and also carried on an auctioneering business at Clyde. In 1896 he removed to Wellington and remained here for three years , when he again went back to Central Otago. For a considerable time he was secretary to the Dunstan Hospital. By his death the Masonic Order loses bnc of its oldest members. Mrs. Fache died in 1887. The family consists of three sons and four daughters. Tht> eldest son is Mr George Fa-che, Commissioner of Pensions, and the youngest ib in the Dardanelles, where he was recently wounded. Some rather amusing stories arc told abont our soldier boys. Ono of the most recent is that of a loyal Now Zealander who went away after training 1 for active service, _ and it was not till he Was undergoing in Egypt severe route marching that it was discovered he possessed s Wooden leg. He is back again withou the honour of reaching Berlin. It show that it always pays to be genuine.
 

Ev Post Dec 15 1910 G Fache Terrace School
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Feb 21 1920  The War Pensions Board sat here yesterday and reviewed the pensions of a number of ex-soldiers. The Board which visits Hokitika on Monday, consists of Messrs R. G. A. Cooper (Chairman); G. C. Fache, Commissioner or Pensions; Dr A. W. Izard and J. D. Harper, Returned Soldiers' Representative. . . The Mayor (Mr Lynch) has communicated with Mayors of other West Coast towns and County Chairmen regarding arrangements to convey as many people as possible to Greymouth on the occasion of the visit of the Prince of Wales. Special facilities are to be afforded for assembling returned soldiers so that they may meet the Prince. All proposals for receptions to His Royal Highness must have the Government's approval. The j Prince is especially desirous to see the school children. Master Richard Stratford, son of Mr and Mrs Eddy Stratford, of Aratika, leaves by this morning's Otira express for .^Christchurch, where he will enter St. Bede's College. Prior to the Aratika school breaking up yesterday the teacher, Miss llooney, on behalf of herself and the.' pupils, presented Master Stratford with an address and gotamounted fountain pen suitably inscribed. Miss Rooney expressed regret at losing such a diligent scholar, .. but- hoped that he would meet: with sttcCess^and honour in his new sphere of learning. As stated yesterday there are stil" fresh cases of influenza being reportecT in /the Grey district. For the two days up to yesterday afternoon there had been a dozen, cases reported at Runanga. There are apparently none of them of the serious typo, but it is evident that care is still necessary. The attendance at several of the schools in the district since the reopening have not been . up to the average, but next week will doubtless see an improvement.
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many thousands wounded and...Bert Fache  ....Crowley, Dawler, Wagg, Shirtchffe, - Patterson, Axelten, Fache.

member of the Otago High School Board of Governors). Major A. R. Hislop was in command of the column, with Capt. G. Goldie, and lieuts. G. Fache, ??

I just got the shivers when I saw the posting of the proposed 2011 reunion. I looked at the Old Boys site only after finding an article on George Cox Fache O.B.E. (my great-grandfather's) OBHS-OB news article  pasted below here....he was secretary of the old boys and many other things!  I have been thinking of the school as I have a math certificate of his dated (if I recall correctly) 1884. I have been studying our remarkable family from France to England then sailing to NZ. I had thought to return his papers to the school. Perhaps I could be involved in the 2011 event. I have been here in Canada since 1973 but I had already planned to attend my Wellington College Old Boys 40 years on reunion in Oct. 2011. I would love to talk to you further. I have a keen interest in journalism and have written extensively on several subjects. One volume, An Incredible Life would value an poinion towards possible publishing. Also, I keep a website: dunstan-times000.tripod in memory of its original founder G.C. Fache's dad, George Fache. They apparently loved the name George; I am Michael George! I get about 1,000 visits per month on that site. I was also planning a commemeration to George Fache’s 150th anniversary of the founding of the Dunstan Times in 2012 @ Clyde, N.Z.

Could you take a minute to write me? Mike Forster, Brampton, Ontario.

 

Surname From To Migration Comment
Fache 1797 5/2/1873

France>England

William

died in Pelham Place Brompton London W.
Forster 1953

New Zealand>

England

Mike

milne2.jpgOwl.
 
NO JOKE...Local bassist Mike Milne shows off the winning entry in the UGLIEST GUITAR IN BRAMPTON contest  for 2006 

 
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LANDS AND DEEDS.
Evening Post, 1 April 1909
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Taranaki Herald, Volume LV, Issue 13926, 3 April 1909, Page 5

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Bay Of Plenty Times, Volume XXXVII, Issue 5342, 7 April 1909, Page 4 GF??Fache joins Postal Dept.

Aug 13 1914

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 Mr. George Fache, an old and muchrespected resident of Central Otago, died at Queens'town a few days ago, aged 85 years. The deceased gentleman was born in London and went out to Australia in the 50's. After trying his luck on the Ballarat, Bendigo. and other Victorian goldfields, be was attracted to Otago in 1862 by the news of the rich discoveries at Gabriel's Gully. From there ho went to the West Coast, and after some time returned to Central Otago. He established himself in business at the Dunstan, and until 1896 he was one of the most prominent men in that part of the Dominion. Ho was for a number of years proprietor of the Dunstan Times, and also carried on an auctioneering business at Clyde. In 1896 he removed to Wellington and remained here for three years , when he again went back to Central Otago. For a considerable time he was secretary to the Dunstan Hospital. By his death the Masonic Order loses one of its oldest members. Mrs. Fache died in 1887. The family consists of three sons and four daughters. The eldest son is Mr George Fache, Commissioner of Pensions, and the youngest is in the Dardanelles, where he was recently wounded.

Aug 21 1915

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Sept 11 1915

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 many thousands wounded and...Bert Fache  ....Crowley, Dawler, Wagg, Shirtchffe, - Patterson, Axelten, Fache.

member of the Otago High School Board of Governors). Major A. R. Hislop was in command of the column, with Capt. G. Goldie, and lieuts. G. Fache, ??

May 5 1911 NZRU

Jan 25 1912 A presentation was made last night by members <it the Wellington Football Club to Mr. A. B. Wilson, Who is leaving for Sydney by the Ulimaroa to-morrow. Mr. G. F. Fache, a vice-president of the club, in makiiig the presentation, stated that the club was losing one who had rendered excellent service for many years both on arid off the field. The i club regretted Mr. Wilson's departure, but was pleased that it carried with it a step up the ladder of life. Mr. Wilson j suitably replied. A pioneer settler of Poverty Bay, Mr. John Ferguson, passed away a few days ago. Mr. ' Ferguson enjoyed the distinction of being the first to drive a mob of sheep from Hawkes Bay to Poverty Bay. This he accomplished in 1868. , when the country was in a very rough 'states and took three weeks to cover the distance, the mob numbering 2000. He suffered many hardships during the days of the Poverty Bg# massacre, losing almost all he had, in addition to having a brother killed by the Hau
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May 20 1916
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Dec 20 1913 Ev Post For this his Worship the Mayor awarded special Srizes. Nature study — M. Findlay and . Zohrab 1, F. Nicol 2. ~Good attendanc — Boys: I. Duurloo and E. Zohrab. Girls, F. Nicol. Diligence — 1. Chittey, L. Russell, W. Moye, G. Russell, E. Haines, S. Palmer, G. Jackson, N. Nicol, R. Chittey, S. I). Barca, and B. Tesoriore. Competitions — Writing : Judge, Mr. J. P. Kelly. Standards V. and VI. : E. Hoggard 1, F. Dixon 2. Standards 111. and IV. : F. Abraham 1, M. Wiss 2. Standard 11. S L. Duurloo 1, M. Prendergast '2. Standard I. : C. God,, ber 1, 1. Haines 2. C^ass Primer : C. Hoggard 1, M. Mazzola 2. Drawing— Judge, Mr.' A. D. Riley. ' Standards V. and VI. J P. Avery 1, I. Carlyle 2. Standards 111. and TV. : V. Ross 1, F. Abraham 2. Standard H. : L. Duurloo 1, V. Kingam 2. Standard I. : H. Russell 1, C. Godber 2.' Class P ; M. Mazzola. Arithmetic — Judge, Mr. E. G. F. Zohrab. Standard VI. : P. Avery 1, D. Shortt 2. Standard V. : E. Avery 1, J. Zohrab 2. Standard IV. : D. Avery 1, M. Findlay 2. Standard III. : S. Nicol 1, S: M'lnnes,2. Standard II. : A. Hogcard 1, L. Jourdain 2. Standard I. : A. Zohrab 1, B. Russell and C. Dodd 2. Class P : R. Keenan 1, G. "Morris 2. Recitation— Judge, Mr. R. A. Keenan. Standards V. and VI. : T. Dixon 1, D. Shortt 2. Standards 111. and IV. : M. Findlay 1, 1. Chittey 2. Standard II. : V. Shortt and A. Zohrab 1, N. Nicol 2, S. Palmer 3. Reading— Judge, Rev. E. I. Sola. Standards V. and VI. : I. Carlyle 1, P. Avery 2. Standards 111. and IV. : M. Findlay 1, M. Wise 2. Standards I. and II. : L. Jourdain 1, S. Fache 2. Spelling— Judge, Mr. J. P. Kelly. Standard VI.: P. Avery. Standard V. : J. Zohrab. Standard IV. : D. 'Avery. Standard III.: E. Zorttab. Standard II. : M. Pj-endergast. Standard I. : A. Zohrab. Class P. : E. Patterson."
 
May 14 1914
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Evening Post, Volume LXXIII, Issue 53, 4 March 1907, Page 3AMATEUR ATHLETICS. WELLINGTON CLUB'S MEETING. It wes rather unfortunato that the weather should have been to unfavourable for the sports gathering held under the auspices of the Wellington Amateur Athletic Club on tho Basin Reserve on Saturday, otherwise a much larger crowd would have been present to witness the excellent sport provided. Neverthelots, I about 2000 people attended, and the club is not likely to lose financially on the meeting The first notice to "competitors in tho official progrannno was one stating that ell .events would bo started punctually, raid this rule was rigidly adhered 10 with the result thai the lust event was over & few minutes after schedule lime In this and other respects the management of tho meeting v.vs excellent. Considerable interest was taken in the re-appcarauce of 11. Kerr in the walking events, more particularly as it had be;n announced that Mr. It. Coombes, who disqualified Kerr at tho Christchurch meeting, was to bo one of tho judges....Fifth Heat— E. MacKenzio (9ydc), 1 ; H. G. Fache (10yds), 2. Also starte — H. Dowson (3fyds). 1; B. Blaino (6^yd«), H. R. Bcath (By'd6), and W. Williamson (lOvds). Time, H ]-sspe. Sixth He:-t— L. A. Teutrnberg (6Ayc!c)

 Free Lance, Volume VII, Issue 349, 9 March 1907Amateur Athletics. ...IF eoi a spoits body desaive* to kvl disheaitened, the Wellington Amateui Athletic Club does. Foi its spoitb meeting last Saturday a bplendid programme had been prepared and the bebt of oui looal runners— in fact, the team that the pievious week had won the champion shield at the big meeting in Chiiuhtchuich — were among the competitors..,..Fiom the field' judge, to the tiaek judges 1^ not a big jump. The four gentlemen who acted in the latte positions aie all old name'- in connection with «pait m Wellington. Mr. Geo. Fache is the same George whose connection with the playing and control of Rugby football in Wel.hngtotn has been foi its betterment.

FOOTBALL.
Evening Post, 11 March 1907

WELLINGTON CLUB'S ANNUAL 'MEETING. At the annual meeting of the Wellington Football Club officers for the year were elected as follows : — President, Mr. J. E. Smith"; vice-presidents, Drs. H. J. M'Lean and A. W. Izard, Messrs. G. C. Fache, P. P. Webb, J. P. Firth, F. Pownall, T. S. Ronaldson, J. Murray and N. Oalbraith ; club captain, Mr. J. Murray ; management committee, Messrs. D. D Weir, W. Riley, A. B. Wilson, G. H. Murray, W. Hill, F. Malfroy, and H. J. T. Hume; secretary, Mr. J. Thompson ; treasurer , Mr. T. H. N. Beasley; delegates to Rugby Union, Messrs. J. Murray, D. D. Weir, and H. J. T. Hume; hon auditor, Mr. E. A. Liddle. The Pownall Cup was presented to H. R. Carey for best senior player,

SCHOOL COMMITTEE ELECTIONS.
Otago Witness, 1 May 1907 J. Milne listed Raes Junction

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RUGBY FOOTBALL.Evening Post, Volume LXXIII, Issue 104, 3 May 1907,

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LOCAL & GENERAL.
Otago Witness, 19 June 1907
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Otago Witness, Issue 2784, 24 July 1907, Page 31

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Otago Witness, Issue 2786, 7 August 1907,
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SHIPPING. PORT OF WELLINGTON.
Evening Post, 12 August 1907'Mupourita, s.s. (V.25 p.m.), 1203 to»t». JJnft, fraui Ureymouth, Westporc, and Nelson, : Saloon — Mi&ses) Morris, V. lieppell Tsiyiui , Mcadomes Whitcombe, Morris, M'Liean, L. Williams^ Messrs. Sheen, Coupe, Jl'LiaygWiu, HaU Lynch, fache, linapp, Mul9, Bfa«*totd( J. OampoeU, Thornton, Sianiland, Belcher Ci), Davits, Burnett, Williams, Stephens,

THE LEVIN SHIELD.
Evening Post, 3 June 1909
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DREDGING IN BURMAH.
West Coast Times, 14 September 1909

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Grey River Argus, 15 September 1909, Page 1

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in' New Zealand is now owned by a Ohiinase syndicate in the Sinigajpore trade." Mr Fache left Wellington last ,night for Dunedin. He will probably retucn to Burmah at the end of as six monbhis' holiday.

Grey River Argus, 15 September 1909 LIFE IN BURMAH

GOLD DREDGING DEVELOPMENTS. } A NEW ZEALAjNDER'S STORY. WORK ON THE IR&AWADDY. ■Durinig the past decade goud-dredjr<*rng" operatiioiiis, ivihich were inaugurated in vairious paxt» of the woiQd as a result of the success of New Zealand methods, have been resj>onsiible far Phe dejpantuire of na:any Nw Zecitendems to foreign climes. Expierdenced dtedtgemen from Otagx> aad Westland have beeo einigra^ed in British Columbia, Siberia Gold Coast of West Africa, Tema del Fuiegro t Peru, Bolivia, Borneo, PMliipani» Islands, and otiheir places, where they have done very 'well. Tihe laitest .to return to New Zealand for furlough is Mr S. C. Fadhe, of Clyde, Central Otagio, bmotiher of Mr G. C. Fache, of the • Old Age Pension* Department Wellingiton, and of Mirs S. F. r Buchanan, of Cuiba street. He hias been engiaar-^ ed for the lajjit seven years in. gcM-~ dredging- -ran" the ujpper.reacb.es of the JcpawaHdy river, Buiimaih, mid had an daterestimg story to tell a New Zealand Times^reponter. j " i , JMir^Fiaidhe a do:edgema»ter for some tiime on the Molyneaiux, and then removed to Westla-nd* where he came, into touch witb two capitalists dasirouis of piokioig up the' lateat dxedigiing plant. Tihiey engaged ham to take change of the first gold, dredge *pmt on the Irrawaddy. The opexationis" of the doredige were so successful that the Ruiunah Gold D>iwdgiimg_, 'Connpany, with a capital of .£120,000, was, floated in Ranigioott. Tihey se.cured a concession of 100 innles of the upper readies of the lirawaddy. Foowr dredges aie now kept giodng enntinu-. . ously. and a fifth is being built. THE GOLD piTURNS. "So far as gold is concerned, " sand Mr Facbe, "they atr« getting very good .r-eturnis, thought r «ff^ t0 our ovm. company, most of the profits go into development. We have gofc a monopoly of the portion of the river on, which we are operatinig", with a. concession to the branchi ravers as we -go alonig. The company has been encouraged by the results to go on. We axe more oar lessqpeni'nig couftLiry that tihe Government itself knows very little about at present, in. ufiadinjinistered couatry between Buranah amd Tlhabet and Tihrbet and China". The dare4gung returns on. the whole, compare very favoumaibly wdtih those re<:edved m New Zealamd. aad are perhaps, better. The dredge* each average over 100 ounces each per week. I Natives .ire employed on the dredges as mudh as possible. On our I dredges .as much as p6ssibk. On—-1 dredges we hiad three ddfferenit tribes, aM 9peakinff .distinct laagmaiges. Each of t!he drediges caraies five whites, and' tihese for the mostt pant axe New Zealandens, who lnik« the life. They ' iavesi't got to work as hjard as they' ! do out here, the coolies bedng largely utilised for tihe rougher. w©ifc. The -Kachatt tribe is >tlhe one we have bo deai with now. They have - driven the otlher tribes owt of the bills ioto the lower part of the country — ithe Chinese out dn. their side and the Burmese out on tibeirs. We got on with them very well. They never quiairrel with a man — ithey simplly cut has (bead- off. The Kachins are a very fiJie race, and very honest. Therr laws, are peouMar. If a man steals a pdg he bias grot to pay ten back, and if he doesn't pay them back within a certain time there i 9 a vendetta, against hmc; and he probably doses- his v head. vlf you ask a Kaohin. what his mamft is he'll never tell .you, except, perhaps, to ask why? He never tells you where he comes from for fear^ that you want to know sooner thing about his 'vendeittas— (tlnese go back for years. In the Kaidhuns' unadminastred territory no win'tte "man has ever entered. We even don't kmow what the river is like ten miles firom where we aire operating. There are any amouiat of headwhun'feus yet, and tb«y are onfly too. baippy 40 get hold of a white man's head. The white man. lihere alwaiyis goes anned — ithey, have a wiondrful respect for hnim. A ; FIELD FOR HUNTERS. "This~ tenritory is a great field for 1 ifche hunter, who can find here almost I anything 1 , imagdna'ble, * except lions. Tiaers, panthers^ (black amd white, line latter over towards Tihnibet), several kinds of deer, peacocks, pheasants, paxtirddge> wild! geese, juagle fowils, snakes — all -these^ arc^to 'be toimd in abundance. lia one compound I have come across twenty different kinds of snakes. Then, there axe "the wild «lepihaoifaSj bison, amd buffalo in.' abundance. The best fis'hinig in the world c is vprobaWy to be found tihere and , the Indian salmon^ provides" excellent sport. If you.- takeyam. elephaait ride early sin the mornu-jSg you wdll^pfob«bly, come acro&s all the game I ba^eT aaeabioned in one day's dtive* The greatest sport is the bison, Mnhnirih ailwairds ohargtes. It is a tremendous <aj}i«al anid very nearly as bag as the elephant, sanding sometimes seventeen handte high, with sdx feet acroiss the back. Of ocpnse, an ordinary elephant, not 'twined to biscn-Jiuatnoig.^ turnis aad runs but a trained elepfoant stands like a rock, and fhe hunter can invariably brinig the ohiarger down. T«E CLIMATE. '•The monsoons are the drawback. The rainy seasons starts from Ootoiber "unitii March, during which peorod you 'don't get a drop of rain, tshouigh' you might ftet a shower at Qhrisitmas.^ Quring June, July, Auigusit and Sep-. t/emtber the river is as much as "from sixteea to twenty fee* aibove noimial, and rises t©~ anyjMttg up to loctft in the gorges, biu>t 'it never gets below fourteen or fifteen feet. One requureb to get onut of the couatry at least every five yeans. A comidition of employment out there is tihlat s a man muso be physically fit; everyoaa ,get mosquiiibo fever, more particularly in the iuwgles. " I "Ojl my way „ to Auckland, vfla Singapore, I was stawck witih tho fine specimens of Chinese deotkis eonployed in tJhe Honigkong-Sihianghja.i •hank thene— a iawn better class of men than you see out heire. Tihey are becoming *troiig.ly in evidence »n business enterprises out there, ? and have got a good hold of'' the S®ng&-pore trade. The S'tearoeir JanCt N^'ccol, which used to belong to the Union Steam "Ship Coimpaniy, trading

■> in' New Zealand is now owned by a Ohiinase syndicate in the Sinigajpore trade." Mr Fache left Wellington last ,night for Dunedin. He will probably retucn to Burmah at the end of as six monbhis' holiday.

2005
Babylon the Plunderer
Will be captured
Put to shame with their idols
Filled with terror.
She has sinned against God
Judah in tears seeks the Lord's Zion, flee out
An alliance from the north, she will soon be broken
Shattered
God sets a trap, vengeance for His Temple
To repay her defying the Lord
And keeping God's people  held fast and oppressed.

 A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack."Miss Whack, I'd like to get a 
  $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a Knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

SMILE OF THE DAY A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to  the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law  passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and spend only $150.00?" The man replied, "A man died here 2,000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

As a young player,catcher Greg Olson was taught to use his head.In this case he was also able to hold on to the ball after a dramatic home plate collision.
 
Atlanta Braves Greg Olson can't believe Twins catcher...

 Cartoonist Garry Trudeau poses with one of his original comic strips in New York. Some newspapers in the United States have pulled the comic strip Doonesbury objecting to two instances of referring to Karl Rove, by the nickname "Turd Blossom The strips for Tuesday and Wednesday show a caricature of U.S. President George W. Bush referring to his top political advisor, Karl Rove, by the nickname "Turd Blossom. Rove is alleged to have leaked the name of a CIA operative to Washington journalists last July. He is reported to have outed Valerie Plame, married to Joseph Wilson, a former ambassador who had questioned the administration's claims about Iraq's alleged nuclear program. A grand jury is now investigating the leak, a federal felony. Rove has denied being its source and has yet to appear before the jury.

The Bird

Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher quit working so she calls
a repairman. Since she has to go to work the next
day, she tells him,
"I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher,
leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the cheque.
Oh, by the way, don't worry about my Bull Dog, he won't bother you. But,
whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" When
the repair man arrives at Mrs. Davidson's apartment the next day, he
discovers the biggest and meanest Bull Dog he has ever seen. But just as
she
    said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about
his business.
The Parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time withhis incessant
yelling, cursing, and name calling.
  Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut up, you stupid ugly bird !"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!" 
  Blonde's Year in  Review:

 January - Took new scarf back to store because it was
                 too tight.
    February - Fired  from pharmacy  job for failing to
                   print labels....."duh"....bottles  won't  fit in
                    typewriter!!!
    March - Got excited....finished  jigsaw  puzzle in 6
               months.....box
               said "2-4 years!"
    April - Trapped on  escalator for hours.....power
            went
             out!!!
   May - Tried to make    Kool-Aid.....8 cups  of water
              won't
               fit into those little packets!!!
    June  - Tried to go water skiing....couldn't find  a
              lake with a  slope.
   July - Lost  breast stroke swimming
           competition.....learned later,
            other  swimmers  cheated,
             they used their  arms!!!
   August - Got locked out of car in rain
                 storm.....car swamped,
                  because top was  down.
   September - The  capital of California is
                       "C".....isn't  it???
    October - Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to  peel.
    November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2
                     days.....instructions said 1 hour
                      per pound and I weigh   108!!!
    December - Couldn't call  911....."duh".....there's
                      no "eleven"
                       button on the  phone!!!

Our experienced and professional staff are eager to help you laugh at life...we attempt to keep out blue material, foul language and social slurs ,however please remember these are jokes not social policy, so please if you are included as the butt of a joke please, don't be too sensitive. Try to find the humour!

great observations
  Groundhog Day,February 2, 2005


Wiarton Willie

It's always been a pack of lies, of course, but it's fun, and we need fun if we are to survive another Canadian February. Groundhog Day was inspired by an old Scottish couplet:
"If Candlemas Day is bright and clear/ There'll be two winters in the year."
How groundhogs got a reputation for predicting weather patterns is a mystery, because they are not the least bit interested in their shadows or the number of winter weeks remaining. The only reason they come out of hibernation is for food and sex.

 
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2 A day without sunshine is like, night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
9. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
10. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
13.  I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
17. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
18. Get a new car for your mom.  It'll be a great trade!
19.  Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of loan payments.
22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
23. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
30. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
31. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
32. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
33. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
36. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
37. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
38. Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak

> > Irish Confession "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And, who was the woman you were with?" "I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?" "I cannot say." "Was it Patricia Kelly?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Liz Shannon?" "I'm sorry, but I can't name her." "Was it Cathy Morgan?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Fiona McDonald, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. "You cannot attend church mass for three months. Be off with you now." Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Three month's vacation and five good leads

 WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY...
> > LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY
> > WELL WAKING UP THAT
> > MORNING. I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY
> > WIFE WOULD BE
> > PLEASANT AND SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", AND POSSIBLY
> > HAVE A PRESENT FOR
> > ME.
> > AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET
> > ALONE "HAPPY
> > BIRTHDAY."
> > I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE
> > KIDS WILL REMEMBER.
> >
> > MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD.
> > SO WHEN I LEFT FOR
> > THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT
> > DESPONDENT.
> > AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY JANE SAID,
> > "GOOD MORNING,
> > BOSS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT
> > AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD
> > REMEMBERED. I WORKED UNTIL ONE O'CLOCK AND THEN JANE
> > KNOCKED ON MY DOOR
> >
> > AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SU CH A BEAUTIFUL DAY
> > OUTSIDE, AND IT'S YOUR
> > BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME."
> > I SAID, "THANKS JANE, THAT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE
> > HEARD ALL DAY.
> > LET'S GO!" WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN'T GO WHERE
> > WE NORMALLY WOULD
> > GO. WE DINED INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A
> > PRIVATE TABLE. WE HAD TWO
> >
> > MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY ON
> > THE WAY BACK TO
> > THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A
> > BEAUTIFUL DAY... WE DON'T
> > NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?"
> > I RESPONDED, "I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN
> > MIND?"
> > SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT."
> > AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME
> > AND SAID, "BOSS, IF
> & gt; YOU DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM
> > FOR A MOMENT. I'LL
> > BE RIGHT BACK."
> > "OK." I NERVOUSLY REPLIED.
> > SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF
> > MINUTES, SHE CAME OUT
> > CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE... FOLLOWED BY MY
> > WIFE, KIDS, AND DOZENS
> > OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL SINGING "HAPPY
> > BIRTHDAY".
> > AND I JUST SAT THERE...
> > ON THE COUCH...
> > NAKED

YOU DO THE MATH

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While
Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top

Drugs for Women
D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full
hours.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering
preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding
you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait
until they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed
before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence,
and prevents conception.
D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting
in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and
the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such
lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ..Can we
get naked now?
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency,
duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager
to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same
irritation level as nagging him.

See Explanation.  Clicking on the picture will download&#10; the highest resolution version available.
Water On Mars

From Our Finest Minds

A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It's a proof. A proof is proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it is proven.

Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien
Quoted Page A-15, The Winnipeg Free Press, Sept. 21, reference to the possibility of Saddam Hussein's production of weapons of mass destruction
Source: Peter Warren's
Stupidest Canadian Comment Contest
(
Jean Chrétien's comment ranked first)

Isac Aguero of Wisconsin may have quenched his thirst when he sipped a Bud Light recently. But now he’s hungry for a new job. The 24-year-old claims he was booted from his gig at a distributing company for Miller beer on the same day a local newspaper printed a photo of him drinking a Bud Light. Bud is produced by Miller’s rival - Anheuser-Busch. Aguero says he shouldn’t have been fired because it was Saturday and he wasn’t at work. There was no official comment from Miller Brewing.

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown.  Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat.  The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop 20020602mouse6e.jpg (28492 bytes)owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."

"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."

The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm.  As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him.  Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him.  By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout.  He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars.  Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.

No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him.

Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it.  Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.

Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.   "Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.  "No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer."

milne1.jpg

NEWS FLASH Mike Milne wins Ugliest Guitarist...er, I mean "Ugliest Guitar in Brampton" contest at a recent local event sponsored by local music gurus @ Long & McQuade. Milne proudly models the winning entrymilne3.jpg
Sherman's Lagoon

Greg nervously plans out every detail of the trip, only to be usurped by Pam's domineering ex-CIA-man father (Robert DeNiro).

Meet the Fockers 

Not only has he purchased an RV, insisting they'll be driving from New York City to the Fockers' home in Miami, but he's bringing along his perfect baby grandson. When they finally arrive at the Fockers' house, Greg's parents, Bernie and Roz (Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand), turn out to be sex-addicted hippies and not at all what the Byrnes (DeNiro and Blythe Danner) had expected. With one pitfall after the next, the film takes the concept of awkward in-law experiences to new heights, leaving no stone unturned from stories about past sexual experiences to detailed discussion of current ones. What's worse, the Fockers are teaching the baby curse words weaning him on rum, to the shock of his overprotective grandparents. Every conversation is totally inappropriate and downright embarrassing, keeping audiences braced for the next disaster. Along the way, all six cast members turn in topnotch performances, with Hoffman, Streisand, and Stiller leading the charge in true Focker spirit.Greg nervously plans out every detail of the trip, only to be usurped by Pam's domineering ex-CIA-man father (Robert DeNiro). Not only has he purchased an RV, insisting they'll be driving from New York City to the Fockers' home in Miami, but he's bringing along his perfect baby grandson. When they finally arrive at the Fockers' house, Greg's parents, Bernie and Roz (Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand), turn out to be sex-addicted hippies and not at all what the Byrnes (DeNiro and Blythe Danner) had expected. With one pitfall after the next, the film takes the concept of awkward in-law experiences to new heights, leaving no stone unturned from stories about past sexual experiences to detailed discussion of current ones. What's worse, the Fockers are teaching the baby curse words weaning him on rum, to the shock of his overprotective grandparents. Every conversation is totally inappropriate and downright embarrassing, keeping audiences braced for the next disaster. Along the way, all six cast members turn in topnotch performances, with Hoffman, Streisand, and Stiller leading the charge in true Focker spirit.
Greg nervously plans out every detail of the trip, only to be usurped by Pam's domineering ex-CIA-man father (Robert DeNiro). Not only has he purchased an RV, insisting they'll be driving from New York City to the Fockers' home in Miami, but he's bringing along his perfect baby grandson. When they finally arrive at the Fockers' house, Greg's parents, Bernie and Roz (Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand), turn out to be sex-addicted hippies and not at all what the Byrnes (DeNiro and Blythe Danner) had expected. With one pitfall after the next, the film takes the concept of awkward in-law experiences to new heights, leaving no stone unturned from stories about past sexual experiences to detailed discussion of current ones. What's worse, the Fockers are teaching the baby curse words weaning him on rum, to the shock of his overprotective grandparents. Every conversation is totally inappropriate and downright embarrassing, keeping audiences braced for the next disaster. Along the way, all six cast members turn in topnotch performances, with Hoffman, Streisand, and Stiller leading the charge in true Focker spirit.