A meeting of Otago High School "Old Boys" was held at the Grand Hotel on Saturday evening. A committee, with Messrs.
G. Fache and G. Hendry as joint secretaries, was set up to make necessary arrangements for a smoke con- cert, to bo held at
an early dsite.
member of the Otago High School Board of Governors). Major
A. R. Hislop was in command of the column, with Capt. G. Goldie, and lieuts. G. Fache,
??
I just got the shivers
when I saw the posting of the proposed 2012 reunion. I looked at the Old Boys site only after finding an article on George
Cox Fache O.B.E. (my great-grandfather's) OBHS-OB news article pasted below here....he was secretary of the old
boys and many other things! I have been thinking of the school as I have a math certificate of his dated (if I recall
correctly) 1884. I have been studying our remarkable family from France
to England then sailing to NZ. I had thought
to return his papers to the school. Perhaps I could be involved in the 2011 event. I have been here in Canada since 1973 but I had already planned to attend my Wellington College Old
Boys 40 years on reunion in Oct. 2012. I would love to talk to you further. I have a keen interest in journalism and have
written extensively on several subjects. One volume, An Incredible Life would value an opinion towards possible publishing.
Also, I keep a website: dunstan-times000.tripod
in memory of its original founder G.C. Fache's dad, George Fache. They apparently loved the name George; I am Michael George!
I get about 3,000 visits per month on that site. I was also planning a commemeration to George Fache’s 150th
anniversary of the founding of the Dunstan Times in 2012 @ Clyde, N.Z. Could you take a minute to write me? Mike Forster, Brampton, Ontario
Jan 11 1910 Hawera
Dec 28 1909 Rugby
FEB 3 1888
July 19 1894
Jan 6 1883
Oct 17 1868
July9 1896
July 26 1894
etc... Oct 5 1893 bit
Aug 21 1915
Sept 11 1915 HOME AGAIN SICK AND WOUNDED THE TAHITI'S PASSENGERS GIVEN HEARTY RECEPTION The second big batch
of sick and wouriaed soldiers to return to New Zealand arrived by the troopship Tahiti today. The grey painted liner made
port shortly after midnight and 'anchored in stream, where she remained^ until she could be cleared by the authorities. The
medical and records staffs went off at 7.30 a.m., and were soon busily engaged lin examining the men, -arranging , their .
conveyance tO'Varioits parts of New Zealand, and paying them, etc. • With some ■ (491( 491 men on -board- all
told this was no .'.'small task. .The total included 27 hosl pital cases and 59 convalescents. v Later . in the morning the
Tahiti was visited by the Hons. James Allen (Minister of Defence), A. L. Herdman (Minister of Justice), and G. W. Russell
-•i (Minister of Public Health), Brigadier.General Robin. (Officer Commanding the *;Forces), Surgeon-General Henderson
(Director of -Medical Services), and Lieu tenant-Colonel Pilkington. (Adjutant ..General). At 11 a.m. the press, repre•sentatives
followed in the Janie Seddou. ' The Tahiti, per arrangement, berthed " at the Glasgow Wharf at 3 p.m. TAHITI'S ROLL OF HONOUR
I" ' THE -OFFICIAL LIST. . . •//_ Following is the official list of the • sick and wounded> - the -names of
the respective drafts. (Main' Body, etc-)" with ;Ayhich the men. left New Zealand being ; given within parentheses: —
::: -hospital cases OTAGO MOUNTED RIFLES. ' Adam, Alexander (2nd) Bewley, Thos. Wm. James Stanley (3rd) Bossward, Arthur
George (3rd) Carter, Thos. Puleford Wallater (2nd) Edwards, Leslie (M.8.) Fache,
Bert. (M.8.) Field, Norman Samson (M.8.) Fraser, R. (M.8.) Hamilton, William Reston (M.8.) Kerr,
July 16 1902 CLYDE. July B.— On Saturday evening bst tho various districts throughout Vincent Countywere
represented by some CO { entlemen, whomet at the Dv istau Hotel, Clyde, for the purpose of entertaining Mr Macgcorge, late
county engineer, at a smoke concert on the eve of his departure from Clyde, v.here he has resided during the past quarter
of a century. Mr R.bert Gilkiaon presided, the vice-chair being occupied by Mr John Butlsr, member of the Vincent County Council.
The toast of "The King" was duly honoured and a verse of tho National Anthem Ming, after which the chairman proceeded with
the reading of numerous letters of apology from friends who were unable lo attend the function. It was (the chairman
remarked) his pleasing duty to say that the Kicg's convalescence was the cause of much joy to all. It was also pleasing to
see such a. large and representative g.itnering present to do honour to Mr Macgeorge, the guest of tho evening. They were
i>re&?nt to say farewell to an old and valued friend. As Mr Macgeorge rright claim to be an old identity of the district,
he (Mr Gilkiso^) would like to have seen, an older identity than he could claim to be occupying the char. AYe miut ever regret
any severance of old end /alued connections, and - he was sure those present f-lt keenly the departure from amongst thon'
of such a. gocd man and so good a citizen aa Mr Macgeorgp. The district could ill afford to lose ench ;i cluab'c resident.
Mr Macgeorgp, it was known, wa- always xvjlhn^ to do his share in lecal affairs. H'; was of great assistance in 1 mhipg forward
all matters affecting local public nstuutions. In lehgious matters ho took ai.d active and greatly appr?ciated part in his
position of lay-reader at St. Michael's, a position fcr which ho wa? preeminently qualified Piofessionaliy he was rrergetic
and painstaking, the splendid bridges spanning tho broad livers within the > oiuity being monuments oi his skill and ability
aa an engineer. The roads throughout the county are, he (the speaker) claimed, better than those in other counties in the
interior. Koi such convcii:»iice-> they were largely indebted to Mr Macgeorgp, as county engineer. In the matter of continuous
service Mr Macyeorge had put up a record, inasmuch as he had been in the s>c vice of the Vincent County Counci 1 since
ihe date of the inauguration of the county system in New Zealand to the present day. Deep regret was felt at the news of his
intended departure from Clyde. On behalf of the resident;* of Vincent County he had much pleasure in presenting Mr Macgiorge
with a* silver entree set, soup tureen, nnd a set of fruit knives and forks of silvei and pcr.il. He (the chairman) was desired
tc bay that the best wishes oi thg giveis accompanied Ihe presmts. Mr Smith, Luggtte, on behalf of the contractors and employees
of the council, asked Mr Macgeorge's acceptance of a spirit stand and ware. There was, be said, tho best of good feeling between
the engineer and the employees. He had found Mr Macgeorge always fair between the council and the workers. The small present
would be a reminder of the employees' good wishes towards Mi Macgeorgc» on the eve vi his departure from Clyde. He...
jrould »Bk those present to charge their glasses ■tod toast the health of their guest. The toast was drunk with musical
honoars. Messrs Butler, Naylor, Hyde, Fache, Dickie, fend M'Swan spoke to the toast.
Mr Macgeorge in reply, thanked the speakers for their kind remarks about Himself; also Cor their expressions of esteem
of Mrs Macjgeorge. It was cheering to hint to find that Mrs Macgeorge was appreciated amongst her kieighbotirs.
It was also cheering to him to pear such outspoken expressions of goodwill towards himself, and to think that his friends
deemed him worthy c<f such valuable and handsome presents on the occasion of his leaving Clyde. His connection with the
council was 'pver of the pleasantest kind. Since coming here, some 25 years ago, he had seen great changes for good in the
district. In Mata|t*nui and Ida Valley those changes were ino3t marked, settlement having advanced steadily in those discricts,
where the greater area of arable land was procurable. He was positive that a splendid future was in store tfor the inland
districts, if only the railway jwere pushed on lo meet further requirements. «He regretted leaving Clyde, but he asEured Ithose
present that their opinions of himself »nd Mra Macgeorge, as expressed that evenling, would cheer him in future. He thanked
them for their very handsome presents, and m conclusion had much pleasure in proposing the (toast of "The Health of Hi 3 Successor."
The Koast waa duly honoured, after which Mr Culhbertson responded in a neat little speech. £fhe nafceeding-; were interspersed
with songs, {Mr EiStSn acting as accompanist. The singling of "Auld lang syne" brought a very plea- Bant evening to ?. clos?.
July 18 1914
OPPOSITION METHODS. CHARGES WITHOUT FOUNDA- . TIONS. ' WELLINGTON, July "14. Thames, neglect <f duties
in failing- to report " certain scandals concerning- Constable after becoming awaxe of same, admonished. Mr Fisher, in conclusion
said that this officer finished up his career in the police with a good conduct medal, and only two marks against him, one
of ; which was because he would not "peach" upon a mate. . It was only fair to place these records in Hansard.
Mr Fisher also read a highly satisfactory report regarding* Mr Steevens from Mr- G. C Fache, Commissioner of Pensions O.B.E..
June 10 1920 SOCIAL AND DANCE will be held in SEDDON HALL, MOANA, on
SATURDAY, June 12th in aid of School Funds. Efficient M.C. Good -•music .and specially prepared floor. ■Gents
2/(5, Ladies 1/-. t PUBLIC NOTICES. TV/TEDICAL OFFICER FOR WAR i PENSION EXAMINATIONS APPLICATIONS arc invited from registered
practitioners who ha"o seen active service overseas in the recenr war for the position of PART-TIME MEDICAL OFFICER at GEEYMOUTH
Appointees will be required to exam- ine all Avar pensioners referred to them a uniform f'eo being payable for each examination
Application must be lodged not later than the lGth June, 1920, ""with the un- dersigned. G. C. FACHE. Conmiisioner of Pensions, Wellington.
Feb 21 1920
. The War Pensions Board sat here yesterday and reviewed the pensions of a number of ex-soldiers. The Board which visits
Hokitika on Monday, consists of Messrs R. G. A. Cooper (Chairman); G. C. Fache, Commissioner
or Pensions; Dr A. W. Izard and J. D. Harper, Returned Soldiers' Representative. . . The Mayor (Mr Lynch) has communicated
with Mayors of other West Coast towns and County Chairmen regarding arrangements to convey as many people as possible to Greymouth
on the occasion of the visit of the Prince of Wales. Special facilities are to be afforded for assembling returned soldiers
so that they may meet the Prince. All proposals for receptions to His Royal Highness must have the Government's approval.
Aug 5 1915 Even Post
Mr. George Fache, an old and muchrespected resident of Central Otago,
died at Queens'town a few days ago, aged 85 years. The deceased gentleman was born in London and went out to Australia in
the 50's. After trying his luck on the Ballarat, Bendigo. and other Victorian goldfields, be was attracted to Otago in 1862
by the news of the rich discoveries at Gabriel's Gully. From there ho went to the West Coa&, and after some time returned
to Central Otago. He established himself in business at the Dunstan, and until 1896 he was one of the most prominent men in
that part of the Dominion. Ho was for a number of years proprietor of the Dunstan Times, and also carried on an auctioneering
business at Clyde. In 1896 he removed to Wellington and remained here for three years , when he again went back to Central
Otago. For a considerable time he was secretary to the Dunstan Hospital. By his death the Masonic Order loses bnc of its oldest
members. Mrs. Fache died in 1887. The family consists of three sons and four daughters.
Tht> eldest son is Mr George Fa-che, Commissioner of Pensions, and the youngest ib in the Dardanelles, where he was recently
wounded. Some rather amusing stories arc told abont our soldier boys. Ono of the most recent is that of a loyal Now Zealander
who went away after training 1 for active service, _ and it was not till he Was undergoing in Egypt severe route marching
that it was discovered he possessed s Wooden leg. He is back again withou the honour of reaching Berlin. It show that it always
pays to be genuine.
Ev Post Dec 15 1910 G Fache Terrace School
Feb 21 1920 The War Pensions Board sat here yesterday and reviewed the pensions of a number of ex-soldiers. The
Board which visits Hokitika on Monday, consists of Messrs R. G. A. Cooper (Chairman); G. C. Fache,
Commissioner or Pensions; Dr A. W. Izard and J. D. Harper, Returned Soldiers' Representative. . . The Mayor (Mr Lynch) has
communicated with Mayors of other West Coast towns and County Chairmen regarding arrangements to convey as many people as
possible to Greymouth on the occasion of the visit of the Prince of Wales. Special facilities are to be afforded for assembling
returned soldiers so that they may meet the Prince. All proposals for receptions to His Royal Highness must have the Government's
approval. The j Prince is especially desirous to see the school children. Master Richard Stratford, son of Mr and Mrs Eddy
Stratford, of Aratika, leaves by this morning's Otira express for .^Christchurch, where he will enter St. Bede's College.
Prior to the Aratika school breaking up yesterday the teacher, Miss llooney, on behalf of herself and the.' pupils, presented
Master Stratford with an address and gotamounted fountain pen suitably inscribed. Miss Rooney expressed regret at losing such
a diligent scholar, .. but- hoped that he would meet: with sttcCess^and honour in his new sphere of learning. As stated yesterday
there are stil" fresh cases of influenza being reportecT in /the Grey district. For the two days up to yesterday afternoon
there had been a dozen, cases reported at Runanga. There are apparently none of them of the serious typo, but it is evident
that care is still necessary. The attendance at several of the schools in the district since the reopening have not been .
up to the average, but next week will doubtless see an improvement.
member of the Otago High
School Board of Governors). Major A. R. Hislop was in command of the column, with Capt. G. Goldie, and lieuts. G. Fache, ??
I just got the shivers
when I saw the posting of the proposed 2011 reunion. I looked at the Old Boys site only after finding an article on George
Cox Fache O.B.E. (my great-grandfather's) OBHS-OB news article pasted below here....he was secretary of the old
boys and many other things! I have been thinking of the school as I have a math certificate of his dated (if I recall
correctly) 1884. I have been studying our remarkable family from France to England
then sailing to NZ. I had thought to return his papers to the school. Perhaps I could be involved in the 2011 event. I have
been here in Canada since 1973 but I had
already planned to attend my Wellington College Old Boys 40 years on reunion in Oct. 2011. I would love to talk to you further.
I have a keen interest in journalism and have written extensively on several subjects. One volume, An Incredible Life would
value an poinion towards possible publishing. Also, I keep a website: dunstan-times000.tripod in memory of its original founder G.C. Fache's dad, George Fache. They
apparently loved the name George; I am Michael George! I get about 1,000 visits per month on that site. I was also planning
a commemeration to George Fache’s 150th anniversary of the founding of the Dunstan Times in 2012 @ Clyde,
N.Z.
Could you take a minute to write me? Mike Forster, Brampton,
Ontario.
Surname
From
To
Migration
Comment
Fache
1797
5/2/1873
France>England
William
died in Pelham Place Brompton London W.
Forster
1953
New Zealand>
England
Mike
NO JOKE...Local bassist Mike Milne shows off the winning entry in the UGLIEST
GUITAR IN BRAMPTON contest for 2006
Bay Of Plenty Times, Volume XXXVII, Issue 5342, 7 April 1909, Page 4 GF??Fache joins Postal Dept.
Aug 13 1914
Mr. George Fache, an old and muchrespected resident of Central Otago, died at Queens'town
a few days ago, aged 85 years. The deceased gentleman was born in London and went out to Australia in the 50's. After trying
his luck on the Ballarat, Bendigo. and other Victorian goldfields, be was attracted to Otago in 1862 by the news of the rich
discoveries at Gabriel's Gully. From there ho went to the West Coast, and after some time returned to Central Otago. He established
himself in business at the Dunstan, and until 1896 he was one of the most prominent men in that part of the Dominion. Ho was
for a number of years proprietor of the Dunstan Times, and also carried on an auctioneering business at Clyde. In 1896 he
removed to Wellington and remained here for three years , when he again went back to Central Otago. For a considerable time
he was secretary to the Dunstan Hospital. By his death the Masonic Order loses one of its oldest members. Mrs. Fache
died in 1887. The family consists of three sons and four daughters. The eldest son is Mr George Fache, Commissioner of Pensions,
and the youngest is in the Dardanelles, where he was recently wounded.
member of the Otago High
School Board of Governors). Major A. R. Hislop was in command of the column, with Capt. G. Goldie, and lieuts. G. Fache, ??
May 5 1911 NZRU
Jan
25 1912 A presentation was made last night by members <it the Wellington Football Club to Mr. A. B. Wilson, Who is leaving
for Sydney by the Ulimaroa to-morrow. Mr. G. F. Fache, a vice-president of the club,
in makiiig the presentation, stated that the club was losing one who had rendered excellent service for many years both on
arid off the field. The i club regretted Mr. Wilson's departure, but was pleased that it carried with it a step up the ladder
of life. Mr. Wilson j suitably replied. A pioneer settler of Poverty Bay, Mr. John Ferguson, passed away a few days ago. Mr.
' Ferguson enjoyed the distinction of being the first to drive a mob of sheep from Hawkes Bay to Poverty Bay. This he accomplished
in 1868. , when the country was in a very rough 'states and took three weeks to cover the distance, the mob numbering 2000.
He suffered many hardships during the days of the Poverty Bg# massacre, losing almost all he had, in addition to having a
brother killed by the Hau
May 20 1916
Dec 20 1913 Ev Post For this his Worship the Mayor awarded special Srizes. Nature study — M. Findlay and . Zohrab 1, F. Nicol
2. ~Good attendanc — Boys: I. Duurloo and E. Zohrab. Girls, F. Nicol. Diligence — 1. Chittey, L. Russell, W. Moye,
G. Russell, E. Haines, S. Palmer, G. Jackson, N. Nicol, R. Chittey, S. I). Barca, and B. Tesoriore. Competitions — Writing
: Judge, Mr. J. P. Kelly. Standards V. and VI. : E. Hoggard 1, F. Dixon 2. Standards 111. and IV. : F. Abraham 1, M. Wiss
2. Standard 11. S L. Duurloo 1, M. Prendergast '2. StandardI. : C. God,, ber 1, 1. Haines 2. C^ass Primer : C. Hoggard 1, M. Mazzola 2. Drawing—
Judge, Mr.' A. D. Riley. ' Standards V. and VI. J P. Avery 1, I. Carlyle 2. Standards 111.
and TV. : V. Ross 1, F. Abraham 2. Standard H. : L. Duurloo 1, V. Kingam 2. StandardI. : H. Russell 1, C. Godber 2.' Class P ; M. Mazzola. Arithmetic — Judge, Mr.
E. G. F. Zohrab. Standard VI. : P. Avery 1, D. Shortt 2. Standard V. : E. Avery 1, J. Zohrab 2. Standard IV. : D. Avery 1,
M. Findlay 2. Standard III. : S. Nicol 1, S: M'lnnes,2. Standard II. : A. Hogcard 1, L. Jourdain 2. StandardI. : A. Zohrab 1, B. Russell and C. Dodd 2. Class P : R.
Keenan 1, G. "Morris 2. Recitation— Judge, Mr. R. A. Keenan. Standards V. and VI. : T. Dixon 1, D. Shortt 2. Standards
111. and IV. : M. Findlay 1, 1. Chittey 2. Standard II. : V. Shortt and A. Zohrab 1, N. Nicol
2, S. Palmer 3. Reading— Judge, Rev. E. I. Sola. Standards
V. and VI. : I. Carlyle 1, P. Avery 2. Standards 111. and IV. : M. Findlay 1, M. Wise 2.
StandardsI. and II. : L. Jourdain
1, S. Fache 2. Spelling— Judge, Mr. J. P.
Kelly. Standard VI.: P. Avery. Standard V. : J. Zohrab. Standard IV. : D. 'Avery. Standard III.: E. Zorttab. Standard II.
: M. Pj-endergast. StandardI. : A.
Zohrab. Class P. : E. Patterson."
May
14 1914
Evening Post, Volume LXXIII, Issue 53, 4 March 1907, Page 3AMATEUR ATHLETICS. WELLINGTON CLUB'S MEETING. It wes rather
unfortunato that the weather should have been to unfavourable for the sports gathering held under the auspices of the Wellington
Amateur Athletic Club on tho Basin Reserve on Saturday, otherwise a much larger crowd would have been present
to witness the excellent sport provided. Neverthelots, I about 2000 people attended, and the club is not likely to lose financially
on the meeting The first notice to "competitors in tho official progrannno was one stating that ell .events would bo started
punctually, raid this rule was rigidly adhered 10 with the result thai the lust event was over & few minutes after schedule
lime In this and other respects the management of tho meeting v.vs excellent. Considerable interest was taken in the re-appcarauce
of 11. Kerr in the walking events, more particularly as it had be;n announced that Mr. It. Coombes, who disqualified Kerr
at tho Christchurch meeting, was to bo one of tho judges....Fifth Heat— E. MacKenzio (9ydc), 1 ; H. G. Fache (10yds), 2. Also starte — H. Dowson (3fyds). 1; B. Blaino (6^yd«), H. R. Bcath (By'd6), and W. Williamson
(lOvds). Time, H ]-sspe. Sixth He:-t— L. A. Teutrnberg (6Ayc!c)
Free Lance, Volume VII, Issue 349, 9 March 1907Amateur Athletics. ...IF eoi a spoits body desaive* to kvl disheaitened,
the Wellington Amateui Athletic Club does. Foi its spoitb meeting last Saturday a bplendid programme had been prepared and
the bebt of oui looal runners— in fact, the team that the pievious week had won the champion shield at the big meeting
in Chiiuhtchuich — were among the competitors..,..Fiom the field' judge, to the tiaek judges 1^ not a big jump. The
four gentlemen who acted in the latte positions aie all old name'- in connection with «pait m Wellington. Mr. Geo. Fache is the same George whose connection with the playing and control of Rugby football in Wel.hngtotn has been
foi its betterment.
WELLINGTON CLUB'S ANNUAL 'MEETING. At the annual meeting of the Wellington Football Club officers for the year were elected
as follows : — President, Mr. J. E. Smith"; vice-presidents, Drs. H. J. M'Lean and A. W. Izard, Messrs. G. C. Fache, P. P. Webb, J. P. Firth, F. Pownall, T. S. Ronaldson, J. Murray and N. Oalbraith ; club captain, Mr. J.
Murray ; management committee, Messrs. D. D Weir, W. Riley, A. B. Wilson, G. H. Murray, W. Hill, F. Malfroy, and H. J. T.
Hume; secretary, Mr. J. Thompson ; treasurer , Mr. T. H. N. Beasley; delegates to Rugby Union, Messrs. J. Murray, D. D. Weir,
and H. J. T. Hume; hon auditor, Mr. E. A. Liddle. The Pownall Cup was presented to H. R. Carey for best senior player,
in' New Zealand is now owned by a Ohiinase syndicate in the Sinigajpore trade." Mr Fache
left Wellington last ,night for Dunedin. He will probably retucn to Burmah at the end of as six monbhis' holiday.
Grey River Argus, 15 September 1909 LIFE IN BURMAH
■> in' New Zealand is now owned by a Ohiinase syndicate in the Sinigajpore trade." Mr Fache left Wellington last ,night for Dunedin. He will probably retucn to Burmah at the end of as six monbhis'
holiday.
2005
Babylon the Plunderer
Will be captured
Put to shame with their idols
Filled with terror.
She has sinned against God
Judah in tears seeks the Lord's Zion, flee out
An alliance from the north, she will soon be broken
Shattered
God sets a trap, vengeance for His Temple
To repay her defying the Lord
And keeping God's people held fast and oppressed.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia
Whack."Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is
Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.The
frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.Very
confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.She finds the
manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he
wants to use this as collateral."She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a Knickknack, Patty Whack.
Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
SMILE OF THE DAY A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation
to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can
have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00." The man thought about
it and told him he would just have her shipped home.The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law
home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and spend only $150.00?" The man replied, "A man died here 2,000
years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
As a young player,catcher Greg Olson was taught to use his head.In this case he was also able
to hold on to the ball after a dramatic home plate collision.
Cartoonist Garry Trudeau poses with one of his original comic strips in New York. Some newspapers in the United States
have pulled the comic strip Doonesbury objecting to two instances of referring to Karl Rove, by the nickname "Turd
Blossom The strips for Tuesday and Wednesday show a caricature of U.S. President George W. Bush referring to his top political
advisor, Karl Rove, by the nickname "Turd Blossom. Rove is alleged to have leaked the name of a CIA operative to Washington
journalists last July. He is reported to have outed Valerie Plame, married to Joseph Wilson, a former ambassador who had questioned
the administration's claims about Iraq's alleged nuclear program. A grand jury is now investigating the leak, a federal felony.
Rove has denied being its source and has yet to appear before the jury.
The Bird
Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher quit working so she calls a repairman. Since she has to go to work
the next day, she tells him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter,
and I'll mail you the cheque. Oh, by the way, don't worry about my Bull Dog, he won't bother you. But, whatever you
do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" When the repair man arrives at Mrs. Davidson's apartment the
next day, he discovers the biggest and meanest Bull Dog he has ever seen. But just as
she
said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his business. The Parrot, however,
drove him nuts the whole time withhis incessant yelling, cursing, and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't
contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird !" To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!" Blonde's Year in Review:
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was
too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job
for failing to print labels....."duh"....bottles
won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box
said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power
went out!!! May - Tried
to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't
fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water
skiing....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,
other swimmers cheated,
they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of car in rain
storm.....car swamped, because
top was down. September - The capital of California is
"C".....isn't it??? October - Hate M&M's.....they are
so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2
days.....instructions said 1 hour
per pound and I weigh 108!!! December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's
no "eleven"
button on the phone!!!
Our experienced and professional staff are eager to help you laugh at life...we
attempt to keep out blue material, foul language and social slurs ,however please remember these are jokes not social policy,
so please if you are included as the butt of a joke please, don't be too sensitive. Try to find the humour!
great observations
Groundhog Day,February 2, 2005
Wiarton Willie
It's always been a pack of lies, of course, but it's fun, and we need fun
if we are to survive another Canadian February. Groundhog Day was inspired by an old Scottish couplet: "If Candlemas Day
is bright and clear/ There'll be two winters in the year." How groundhogs got a reputation for predicting weather patterns
is a mystery, because they are not the least bit interested in their shadows or the number of winter weeks remaining. The
only reason they come out of hibernation is for food and sex.
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2 A day without sunshine is like, night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
9. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
10. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
17. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
18. Get a new car for your mom. It'll be a great trade!
19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of loan payments.
22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
23. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
30. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
31. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
32. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
33. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
36. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
37. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
38. Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak
>
> Irish Confession "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The priest asks, "Is that you,
little Tommy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And, who was the woman you were with?" "I can't be tellin' you, Father.
I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.
Was it Brenda O'Malley?" "I cannot say." "Was it Patricia Kelly?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Liz Shannon?" "I'm sorry, but
I can't name her." "Was it Cathy Morgan?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Fiona McDonald, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell
you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and
you must atone. "You cannot attend church mass for three months. Be off with you now." Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend
Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Three month's vacation and five good leads
WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY... > > LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY > > WELL WAKING
UP THAT > > MORNING. I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY > > WIFE WOULD BE > > PLEASANT AND
SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", AND POSSIBLY > > HAVE A PRESENT FOR > > ME. > > AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY
SAID GOOD MORNING, LET > > ALONE "HAPPY > > BIRTHDAY." > > I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR
YOU, BUT THE > > KIDS WILL REMEMBER. > > > > MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD. >
> SO WHEN I LEFT FOR > > THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT > > DESPONDENT. > >
AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY JANE SAID, > > "GOOD MORNING, > > BOSS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" IT FELT
A LITTLE BETTER THAT > > AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD > > REMEMBERED. I WORKED UNTIL ONE O'CLOCK AND THEN JANE >
> KNOCKED ON MY DOOR > > > > AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SU CH A BEAUTIFUL DAY > > OUTSIDE, AND
IT'S YOUR > > BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME." > > I SAID, "THANKS JANE, THAT'S THE GREATEST
THING I'VE > > HEARD ALL DAY. > > LET'S GO!" WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN'T GO WHERE > > WE NORMALLY
WOULD > > GO. WE DINED INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A > > PRIVATE TABLE. WE HAD TWO > > >
> MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY ON > > THE WAY BACK TO > > THE OFFICE, JANE SAID,
"YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A > > BEAUTIFUL DAY... WE DON'T > > NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?" >
> I RESPONDED, "I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN > > MIND?" > > SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT." >
> AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME > > AND SAID, "BOSS, IF > & gt; YOU DON'T MIND,
I'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM > > FOR A MOMENT. I'LL > > BE RIGHT BACK." > > "OK." I NERVOUSLY
REPLIED. > > SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF > > MINUTES, SHE CAME OUT > > CARRYING
A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE... FOLLOWED BY MY > > WIFE, KIDS, AND DOZENS > > OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL
SINGING "HAPPY > > BIRTHDAY". > > AND I JUST SAT THERE... > > ON THE COUCH... > > NAKED
YOU DO THE MATH
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11
= 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get
you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top
Drugs for Women
D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8
full hours. ST. M O M M A'S W O R T Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious
for up to two days. E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding
you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait until they moved out. P E P T O B I M B O Liquid
silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence,
and prevents conception. D U M B E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in
enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks. F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling
road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. M E N I C I L L I N Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ..Can we get naked now? BUYAGRA Injectable
stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree. J A C K A S S P
I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift
the toilet seat.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager
to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators. N A G A M E N T When administered to a boyfriend
or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.
Water On Mars
From Our Finest Minds
A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It's a proof. A proof is proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it is
proven.
Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien Quoted Page A-15, The Winnipeg Free Press, Sept. 21, reference to
the possibility of Saddam Hussein's production of weapons of mass destruction Source: Peter Warren's Stupidest Canadian Comment Contest (Jean Chrétien's comment ranked first)
Isac Aguero of Wisconsin may have quenched his thirst when he sipped a Bud Light recently. But now he’s
hungry for a new job. The 24-year-old claims he was booted from his gig at a distributing company for Miller beer on the same
day a local newspaper printed a photo of him drinking a Bud Light. Bud is produced by Miller’s rival - Anheuser-Busch.
Aguero says he shouldn’t have been fired because it was Saturday and he wasn’t at work. There was no official
comment from Miller Brewing.
A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display
he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks
it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.
"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."
The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street
in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over
his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him.
By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He
walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned
cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and
starts to run full tilt.
No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the
time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him.
Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco
Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement
as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.
Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. "Ah, so you've come back for the rest
of the story," says the owner. "No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer."
NEWS FLASH Mike Milne wins Ugliest Guitarist...er, I mean "Ugliest Guitar in Brampton" contest at a recent local
event sponsored by local music gurus @ Long & McQuade. Milne proudly models the winning entry
Sherman's Lagoon
Greg nervously plans out every detail of the trip, only to be usurped by Pam's domineering ex-CIA-man father (Robert
DeNiro).
Meet the Fockers
Not only has he purchased an RV, insisting they'll be driving from New York City to the Fockers' home in Miami, but he's
bringing along his perfect baby grandson. When they finally arrive at the Fockers' house, Greg's parents, Bernie and Roz (Dustin
Hoffman and Barbra Streisand), turn out to be sex-addicted hippies and not at all what the Byrnes (DeNiro and Blythe Danner)
had expected. With one pitfall after the next, the film takes the concept of awkward in-law experiences to new heights, leaving
no stone unturned from stories about past sexual experiences to detailed discussion of current ones. What's worse, the Fockers
are teaching the baby curse words weaning him on rum, to the shock of his overprotective grandparents. Every conversation
is totally inappropriate and downright embarrassing, keeping audiences braced for the next disaster. Along the way, all six
cast members turn in topnotch performances, with Hoffman, Streisand, and Stiller leading the charge in true Focker spirit.Greg
nervously plans out every detail of the trip, only to be usurped by Pam's domineering ex-CIA-man father (Robert DeNiro). Not
only has he purchased an RV, insisting they'll be driving from New York City to the Fockers' home in Miami, but he's bringing
along his perfect baby grandson. When they finally arrive at the Fockers' house, Greg's parents, Bernie and Roz (Dustin Hoffman
and Barbra Streisand), turn out to be sex-addicted hippies and not at all what the Byrnes (DeNiro and Blythe Danner) had expected.
With one pitfall after the next, the film takes the concept of awkward in-law experiences to new heights, leaving no stone
unturned from stories about past sexual experiences to detailed discussion of current ones. What's worse, the Fockers are
teaching the baby curse words weaning him on rum, to the shock of his overprotective grandparents. Every conversation is totally
inappropriate and downright embarrassing, keeping audiences braced for the next disaster. Along the way, all six cast members
turn in topnotch performances, with Hoffman, Streisand, and Stiller leading the charge in true Focker spirit. Greg nervously
plans out every detail of the trip, only to be usurped by Pam's domineering ex-CIA-man father (Robert DeNiro). Not only has
he purchased an RV, insisting they'll be driving from New York City to the Fockers' home in Miami, but he's bringing along
his perfect baby grandson. When they finally arrive at the Fockers' house, Greg's parents, Bernie and Roz (Dustin Hoffman
and Barbra Streisand), turn out to be sex-addicted hippies and not at all what the Byrnes (DeNiro and Blythe Danner) had expected.
With one pitfall after the next, the film takes the concept of awkward in-law experiences to new heights, leaving no stone
unturned from stories about past sexual experiences to detailed discussion of current ones. What's worse, the Fockers are
teaching the baby curse words weaning him on rum, to the shock of his overprotective grandparents. Every conversation is totally
inappropriate and downright embarrassing, keeping audiences braced for the next disaster. Along the way, all six cast members
turn in topnotch performances, with Hoffman, Streisand, and Stiller leading the charge in true Focker spirit.
Cartoonist Garry Trudeau poses with one of his original comic strips in New York. Some newspapers in the United States
have pulled the comic strip Doonesbury objecting to two instances of referring to Karl Rove, by the nickname "Turd
Blossom The strips for Tuesday and Wednesday show a caricature of U.S. President George W. Bush referring to his top political
advisor, Karl Rove, by the nickname "Turd Blossom. Rove is alleged to have leaked the name of a CIA operative to Washington
journalists last July. He is reported to have outed Valerie Plame, married to Joseph Wilson, a former ambassador who had questioned
the administration's claims about Iraq's alleged nuclear program. A grand jury is now investigating the leak, a federal felony.
Rove has denied being its source and has yet to appear before the jury.
owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it." 
