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The Dunstan Times Webnews


may art rule
'Tahitian Women on the Beach' - painted by Gauguin in 1891

felix hologram
:timesoup; 2:goin’ home; 3:to gordie; 4:dead mans curve; 5: messin' with the kid ; 6:black magic woman; 7: pretty mama; 8:arock; 9:b'town blues




Like a butterfly,

my wings spreading out, flying upward into the sky.

With a view to another continent.

To the country of the sun.

Like a migratory bird,

I am looking for a warmer country.

To warm up my liberty,

Liberty with other birds.

What happiness, my wings in the past hunted.

Today, flying upward into the sky,

Toward another horizon.


By Helene Cloutier

bluez-viper- out of time 
Bryson Burroughs (1869–1934)
Eurydice Bitten by the Snake
Two Panels with striding lions, Neo-Babylonian, Nebuchadnezzar II; 604–562 B.C. Mesopotamia

Lion from a Frieze, after 1200
Spanish; Made in San Pedro de Arlanza, Castile-León
Fragment with Printed Lions, Fragment, 10th -11th century; Persian.
The Death of Socrates,1787
Jacques-Louis David (French, 1748–1825)

painting by Manet includes an African grey parrot which looks like mine. His name is Hong King Kong.



Studio album by Led Zeppelin
Released 22 October 1969
Recorded January–August 1969 at various locations
Genre Hard rock, heavy metal, blues-rock, folk rock
Length 41:24
Language English
Label Atlantic

Led Zeppelin IV (aka ZOSO)


Producer Jimmy Page

videos of bluez-viper can be found @
 Madonna & Gorillaz at the Grammy AwardsAmy Winehouse - amy-winehouse photo
Amy Winehouse - Amy Winehouse 240x320  Some of the finalists for the title of Miss Tahiti




Man carrying a box, possibly for offerings, Early Dynastic I–II; 2900–2600 B.C.

Statue of Gudea, Second Dynasty of Lagash, reign of Gudea; 2150–2100 B.C.
Mesopotamia, Girsu (modern Tello)
Diorite ? Plagioclase Feldspar, quartz.
Shaft-hole axe head with bird-headed demon, boar, and dragon, Early/Middle Bronze Age; 3rd–2nd millennium B.C.
Central Asia, Bactria-Margiana
Silver, gold foil; L. 15 cm
Openwork stamp seal: horned(?)figure holding snakes, Middle Bronze Age; 3rd–2nd millennium B.C.
Central Asia, Bactria-Margiana
Vessel terminating in the forepart of a stag, Hittite Empire, Old Hittite; 15th–13th century B.C.
Anatolia, central region
Silver, gold inlay; H. 18 cm

Low-income Brampton residents can expect to spend more than two decades on the waiting list for social housing in Peel, according to a regional report released yesterday."Telling people it's seven or eight years when they walk through the door just isn't right anymore," said housing commissioner Keith Ward. "I'm not even sure why we have the door open."

THIS IS THE IMAGE THAT CREATED SUCH HATRED IN MUSLIMS...is your religion on track if you practise hatred???   

The Night Journey of Muhammad on His Steed, Buraq; leaf from a copy of the Bustan of Sacdi, dated 1514. From Bukhara, Uzbekistan. In The Metropolitan Museum of Art.
Mohammed (upper right) visiting Paradise while riding Buraq, accompanied by the Angel Gabriel (upper left). Below them, riding camels, are some of the fabled houris of Paradise -- the "virgins" promised to heroes and martyrs. This image and the following five images are Persian, 15th century, from a manuscipt entitled Miraj Nama, which is in the Bibliotheque Nationale, Paris.
Muhammad's Call to Prophecy and the First Revelation; leaf from a copy of the Majmac al-tawarikh ("Compendium of Histories"), ca. 1425; Timurid. From Herat, Afghanistan. In The Metropolitan Museum of Art.
The Ascension of the Prophet, also from Jami'al-Tawarikh ("The Universal History").
In the book of Mark, ch7  Jesus says
nothing outside of man can defile him, but the things that come out of the man from within are the things that defile him. From within proceed evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders adulteries, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. God is the Creator, man is the destroyer.
Mohammed (riding the horse) receiving the submission of the Banu Nadir, a Jewish tribe he defeated at Medina. From the Jami'al-Tawarikh, dated 1314-5. In the Nour Foundation's Nasser D. Khalili Collection of Islamic Art, London.Mohammed...another hothead
There was one man who carved an image of Mohameed out of swine excrement, probably that was sacreligious.
According to the "Taboo Numismatics" site, this early Islamic coin -- a gold dinar issued during the reign of the caliph Abd al-Malik in 693 A.D. -- most likely depicts Mohammed himself. The author of the site makes a strong case that the central figure is Mohammed and that the figures on either side of him are Abu-Bakr (Mohammed's companion) on his left and Aisha (his young wife) on his right. Also suggesting that these now-extremely-rare coins (all now housed in the British Museum) depict Mohammed is the fact that they were all ordered to be destroyed shortly after being minted, which may have been the first instance of an image of Mohammed being seen as inappropriate. The coin was made only 67 years after Mohammed's death (the year 77 of the Islamic era, which dates to his arrival in Medina from Mecca), which would make it far and away the earliest depiction of Mohammed ever made, and possibly even modeled after memories of people who knew him during his lifetime.

As seen here, on May 28, 2006, the left-wing Danish newspaper Politiken also reprinted the cartoons, thinking themselves immune to attacks from Muslims because they reprinted the cartoons only for the purpose of criticizing them. Politiken has had a grudge against Jyllands-Posten ever since the cartoon scandal broke.

Felix The Cat Yummy for your Tummy Camisole

the art of Star Wars
Members of the cast of Revenge of the Sith. From left: Portman, Jackson, Christensen, Smits, McGregor. Kenny Baker (R2-D2) and Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca) sit in the foreground.  Image:RevengeOTJedi.jpg



Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic PC box coverThe Sith Lords PC box cover
Darth Sion

I love my newspaper. I am always publishing something I like without thinking about what the other person is interested in. However when it comes to activating change in society I try to publish the facts as far and wide as possible with as much diplomacy and taste as I can muster.  P.S. please send me your jokes

Zoom on image Zoom

Earring in the form of a three-lobed wineskin, Parthian; 2nd–1st century B.C.
Mesopotamia (?)
Striding figure with ibex horns, a raptor skin draped around the shoulders, and upturned boots, Proto-Elamite; 3000 B.C., ca.
Mesopotamia or Iran

  The ninth annual Southside Shuffle Port Credit Blues & Jazz Festival, which hit town loast weekend, featured both Juno Award and Grammy Award winners. Headliner Buddy Guy, who has no less than five Grammys to his credit  was bending the beautiful night sky with his searing guitar lines @ Port Credit Memorial Park. Downchild Blues Band  Powder Blues Band  Lighthouse,Lunch At Allen’s,Valdy and Kenny “Blues Boss” Wayne. “We’re talking world-class entertainment,” said Chuck Jackson, the festival’s artistic director, and lead singer of Downchild Blues. “People from all over North America came to it. ”Beyond that, the music in the park spanned everything from an homage to country/swing great Bob Wills (hosted by Bebop Cowboys) to Krista Blondin’s popular Janis Joplin tribute, to Steely Dan clones Pretzel Logic. This year’s Southside Shuffle, received a further boost with its return to the new and improved Memorial Park after a two-year hiatus. “We’re really building up great excitement,” Jackson says. “I was playing in Victoria with Downchild, and a lady stopped me and said, 'I’ll see you at the Southside Shuffle,'


World Regions, 8,000–2,000 b.c.

World Regions, 20,000–8000 B.C. World Regions, 8000–2000 B.C. World Regions, 2000–1000 B.C. World Regions, 1000 B.C.–1 A.D. World Regions, 1–500 A.D. World Regions, 500–1000 A.D. World Regions, 1000–1400 A.D. World Regions, 1400–1600 A.D. World Regions, 1600–1800 A.D. World Regions, 1800–1900 A.D. World Regions, 1900 A.D.–Present
date bar
Wadi Kubbaniya, Northeast view

View looking northeast toward the wadi's head. Excavations at site E-78-3, a Late Paleolithic settlement dating from 18,300–18,000 B.C.Lions hunting Bison, Chauvet Cave
Horse heads, Chauvet Cave The Unicorn from the Great Hall of the Bulls

"The Unicorn," from the Great Hall of the Bulls in Lascaux cave.

Chauvet Cave. A pride of lions hunt bison, one of the rarest scenes ever found in Paleolithic art.Four Stone Fishtail Points

Fishtail projectile points excavated from Fell's Cave. A favored camping place during the annual wet season, the rock faces at Ubirr have been painted and repainted for millennia. The sequence of rock art at Ubirr and other sites in Arnhem Land has been divided into three periods: Pre-Estuarine (ca. 40,000?–6000 B.C.), Estuarine (ca. 6000 B.C.–500 A.D.),

Situated high up on the rock face at Ubirr, this painting is believed to depict the Thylacine, or "Tasmanian Tiger." The presence of the Thylacine, extinct in the region for thousands of years, is evidence of the antiquity of Aboriginal rock art traditions.

An early painting at Ubirr showing a running male figure with hunting gear. The thin, sticklike limbs and animated stance are characteristic of the Dynamic Figure tradition. The original significance of these figures is unknown but some are arranged in groups that appear to depict ancient hunting practices or ritual activities

Basin (pen) [Gansu Province, China] Ritual object (bi) [Jiangsu or Zhejiang Province, China] Jar [Gansu or Qinghai Province, China]
The Neolithic period, which began in China around 10,000 B.C

Ritual object (bi), Neolithic period, Liangzhu culture, ca. 2700–2500 B.C.
Jiangsu or Zhejiang Province, China
Nephrite; Diam. 8 3/8 in.The earliest human occupation in this region probably began sometime around 40,000 years ago. Small groups of big-game hunters likely migrated into this region from lands to the south and southwest, confronting a harsh climate and long, dry winters. By about 20,000 B.C., two principal cultural traditions had developed in Siberia and northeastern Asia:
Deep bowl with sculptural rim [Japan] Bottle [Japan] Spearhead [Japan] Needles, hooks, and harpoon [Japan] Small figurine [Japan] Bust of a female figurine [Japan]
Female FigurineHuman Head
Human Head, 10th millennium B.C.
Eynan/Ain Mallaha

Stylized female figurine carved from mammoth ivory.








UB44 [LP album & jacket]
Optec Design

Description: LP album and jacket for the album ‘UB44’ by the reggae/pop music group UB40; front and back of jacket are solid black; hot-stamped into the cover is an embossed, square, rainbow-colored hologram on foil, showing the letters UB made out of rock, sitting on a rock ledge; depending on the angle of light, one can also see the smaller numbers 44 floating in front of the ‘B’ in UB.


Medium: embossed mylar foil (white light transmission)
Object Number: MOH-1982.25.01-.02
Primary Support: foil
Dimensions: H: 12 1/4”; W: 12 1/4”

Copyright © 2002. MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY. All Rights Reserved.
Please send comments, corrections, and feedback to museumcollections@mit.edu.

See Explanation.  Clicking on the picture will download
 the highest resolution version available.
Multiverses: Do Other Universes Exist?Do nearly exact copies of you exist in other universes? If one or more of the multiverse hypotheses is correct, then quite possibly they do. In the above computer-enhanced illustration, independent universes are shown as independent circles or spheres. Spheres may be causally disconnected from all other spheres, meaning no communications can pass between them. Some spheres may contain different realizations of our universe, while others may have different physical laws. An entire set of parallel universes is called a multiverse. The human eye might represent the possibility that realizations of some multiverse hypotheses might only exist in the human mind. One criticism of multiverse hypotheses is that they are frequently difficult to test. Some multiverse hypotheses may therefore be great fun to think about but not practically falsifiable and therefore have no predictive scientific value



Chapter One Game On

I was conceived in New Zealand around New Years 1953, an unwanted pregnancy derived probably from wild drunken sex after some New Years party. Anyway Annette Forster quit her dietien job at Wellington Hospital and sailed to England probably through the Suez Canal, as I recall seeing a picture of her pregnant on a camel. I was born Michael George Forster (and that is still my legal name) on September 21, 1953 in Plymouth. In 1954 we sailed from Southampton to Montreal. My Canada Immigration card (#193 issued Nov. 4, 1954) as provided in pages ahead, is interesting in that it provides lots of facts otherwise unknown; as well it shows some officials’ complete incompetence. Several dates are scratched out and altered and even the location changed. Here first, the word father is mentioned; as payor of the fare. I however seriously doubt that Stan Milne was my father, but I may be wrong. He never acted fatherly and never even gave me his name. There is a picture on a following page of a 1952? Photo of Annette with a tall handsome curly brown-haired man. The photo may have been my real dad or maybe Stan Howard; a close family friend until grandmas (Phyllis nee Fache) death. His last name may be from a branch of the family that intersects with the McBride’s in Akaroa (or not); as in 1971 I was kind of hanging out with his daughter Jane and was never aware of any family ties.

 I recall as a youngster seeing a marriage certificate of Stan and Annette dated sometime in the fall of 1954, they just never bothered to change my name. One of my earliest memories is being in a church without my mom; I believe that was their wedding. I definitely recall living in the Beaches of east Toronto and years later found the house we left when I was only three. I recall our German shepherd “Kiwi” retrieving sticks thrown in Lake Ontario and in 1986 had changed little. What bothers me is how I could remember this and other minor details from such a young age! I recall being alone in the local grocer (long gone) and my mom confirms that I would go off there unattended. She claims I climbed out of my crib and out a window, but this seems unbelievable. I have been told I had a broken arm at that time and received a broken bone in my nose, perhaps this was when the abuse started.

So we moved to the white house, ahh yes the white house it was so lovely. There are films of those days they were some of best days of my life. It was called the white house simply because it was a large ranch style alone in the shoulder of Bayview Ave. and the 401 When news reached my mom in Jan 1960 of some storm hitting Toronto “like a bomb” that I translated to my New Zealand kindergarten teacher which as I recall her shock of hearing” we lived in ‘The White House’ and it was bombed!” I remember that I did believe it was a bomb and not a storm. I am still searching for a copy of my fantasial escape through “Grimm’s Fairy Tales”, a green hard cover book that had these amazing colour plates with onion skin cover pages over them. You could see right through the onion skins but it only made you want to peel back the cover to reveal the illustration of whatever tale was being told. Beautiful fantasies created in bold paintings! I recall Peter Pan with his hands on his hips saying “I won’t grow up!” and at that tender age deciding “I’m with you Peter Pan. I won’t grow up” and I never have. Today my 14 year old daughter asked why babies always look at me and after some joking I told her it was because I am still only 4 years old. On that subject yes it appears babies and old people are attracted to me generally speaking. Personally I believe it has to do with my internal nature (? spirit?) which unexplainably seems quite different than most. I digress. I had a cowboy outfit that Wild Bill himself would have lusted after. Double leather holsters, leg tie straps for quick draws, two pearl handled cap revolvers with loadable silver (simulated) bullets. Real cowhide and cow hair matching chaps and vest. I even had a belt with a pop-out buckle of a single shot cap pistol. At that time I also believed I could fly like Superman; so with towel around my neck I flew off furniture. Even while performing thus I really believed I was actually flying and would proclaim that I had flown from the bedroom hallway to the kitchen. To this day if I look back and see what that kid saw, I have to agree that I WAS flying. I put this down however to an extremely fertile imagination.

To tell this story best I must confess throughout the telling too many other “GREAT EVENTS” that have occurred and continue to occur in my life. It was at Bayview where I got to pick my pet dog Mary from a station wagon full of puppies. I also recall belts my grandma sent Chris and I from NZ with moving scenes of cowboys etc I also had a mechanical horse that I loved and brushed his hemp rope mane. Jeff and Reid Aitken lived down the street and we played hero where I would battle for their sisters’ hand. Mom used to sing songs like baby baby have a sniff on me cause green is the colour of the cocaine bean…when I die paint my tombstone green cause green is the colour of the cocaine bean, I met an Indian maiden who stood about 6 foot high, her nose was painted sky blue pink and she only had one eye. She made signs that she loved me, that she’d be mine for life; but I wonder what my mama would say if I married an Indian wife, for it was kinkajou joe  I grow joe the mongrel  jippy jippy jok and a jippy jippy jok and a funny little tokum box drat drat take it out of that funny little tokum box, and a froggie went a wooing go ahoo ahoo a froggie went a wooing go ahoo ahoo he went on down to the old oak tree ahoo ahoo he sat miss mouse upon his knee ahoo ahoo and he said miss mouse will you marry me ahoo ahoo. And when will the wedding breakfast be ahoo ahoo  september 4th at half past three And what will the wedding breakfast be ahoo ahoo

a slice of cake and a cup of tea ahoo ahoo And where will the wedding breakfast be ahoo ahoo oh down in the hollow of the old oak tree ahoo ahoo the first to come was  Mrs. Moth ahoo ahoo she came to lay the table cloth ahoo ahoo the next to come was Major Dick ahoo ahoo he ate so much that he got sick ahoo ahoo the next to come was Doctor Fly ahoo ahoo in case poor Major Dick should die ahoo ahoo they all went sailing down the lake and got gobbled up by a big fat drake ahoo ahoo  I remember crying one night probably Dec 1959 mom asked why cause we are going to NZ and we will miss Santa. We indeed went to NZ, my mom brother and sister sans Stan. We flew on the first cross Canada jet and I remember we received commemorative wine glasses in boxes placed on our seats when we boarded. I recall visiting Disneyland and sailing on a ship to New Z seeing ‘flocks’ of flying fish. I have tried to remember the name of the ship but can’t the SS Anne or something. I went to school in two schools one in Akaroa a true paradise and Roseneath in Wellington. At Akaroa at 6 I learnt to ride a bike in the front yard of “the Glen” which they referred to as the ‘tennis court’ though I was sure no one had ever played tennis on it. Then I began to ride to school at least a mile away. Descending on this one steep gravel road hill every day I would pull on the hand brake and immediately fly off over the handlebars. This happened day after day. I never knew until I was an adult that I was locking up the front wheel each time. My knees were a mess with scabs on top of scabs. At lunch time I would go into town and buy fish and chips wrapped in newspaper which I felt made them taste better. We had a school Olympics and I received a team singlet which I was so proud of as well as my grey leather lederhosen shorts with carved ivory elephant on chest flap. At Akaroa I had a bee collection which I kept in a cage. I got stung a lot, also I used to catch crabs under rocks on the beach by the house (there were millions of them) and I recall a tiger skin on the living room floor. I believe it may have been the one mentioned as coming from Burmah (Myanmar) from GC/s brother. One morning when getting up late Paddy McBride carried me down to the bay and threw me in pjs and all. This may have begun my dislike of rising early.

Next it was on to Wellington where I attended Roseneath Primary. I recall a helicopter landing in the school yard. No-one has yet positively confirmed this nor have I discovered its purpose. Years later my grandma (a saint of a woman) recalled a time when I brought home a boy to show my grandma how he could squeak like a mouse. Years later when I returned to NZ I worked part time at Woolworths  warehouse and was befriended by Chris Walker (actually he admits that he spied on where I lived and then talked to me as we were soon both to be in 6th form at Wellington College. Anyway as 17 year olds one of our trips brought us close to Roseneath and somehow I recognized it and told him I attended there briefly 11 years before. So did I he said. We deduced that we were in the same class then and when discussing it with Grandma she felt he kind of resembled the squeaking mouse boy! If true it seems like an almost unbelievable coincidence! My grandma bought me a leather back satchel, into which she put a container of lemonade every day. We still had that satchel in our attic in Wildwood (Ontario) years later and I would take it out to smell the still present odours of that sweet elixir lemonade. I recall a long train trip I took with Arch, no idea what we were doing but I recall he loved to hear my Americanesque drawl of ‘grandpa’, and that I was into barking like a dog he diplomatically telling me that dogs were not allowed on the train. He and the conductor had a good laugh over that one. Perhaps this was the start of my enjoyment of making people laugh. Our ship that brought us back to America was docked just below my grandmas house and when boarding I asked about the sword Arch promised I could have. We will mail it to you and sure enough about 6 years later it arrived. Ownership became an issue later on but hopefully I will tell of that at its proper time.

 So we sailed from NZ. I recall many stops at island paradises. I should investigate the route for actual itinerary, I recall seeing flying fish  Neptune’s visit as we crossed the equator swimming in redpop and lots of candy There was kid activities set up daily and I made some stitching which my mom kept. I want that back as much as any priceless treasure.Next thing I recall is living cramped up in a cottage type motel beside Appleby College in Oakville Ontario as mom apparently had reunited with her husband Stan. We moved into another ranch style house on Birch Hill Lane, #79. Tommy Bath lived through the woods and across the creek 3 minutes run away. He was my best friend. We often played down by Lake Ontario even in winter when big chunks of ice the size of houses pushed their way onto the shore. We once found a $20 bill. We bought smokes, wieners, marshmallows and candies; went down to the lake, had afire and as great a party as anyone ever has had. By grade 2 I had decided to win Heather Cook as my girlfriend so I took guitar lessons. I wanted to be like Hank Snow but the teacher said my fingers were too little and I must play slide guitar. I was never content on slide though the sound occasionally made me feel alright. I was invited for lunch at the home of my sweetheart one day and to really impress her I found a dead mouse on the way to school and threw it on her. Of course she screamed, but when we got to school she told the teacher and soon I was in the principal’s office. If this was my only visit to that principal then we must have had eggs for lunch as after a stern talk he told me to go wash my face as there was egg on it.  During these days I delivered the Hamilton Spectator. Appleby College was a customer and the ladies in the kitchen always fed me pie, cake and cookies. I loved those ladies. I really don’t know how I remembered my route or made change as I was only eight, but I did! During this time is when I began to be a collector of things. My grandma would send me stamps and I was awed by their individual beauty and I enjoyed cataloging and displaying them. I had many books of them but they were all confiscated by my mom. The collection would have a great value by now. I have since  had collections that have spun out of control; from business cards, match packs, stickers, crests, pens, fridge magnets, lighters, coins, hockey pucks and sweaters, motorcycles, hats, postcards, holograms and women. I still keep just a few 45 records as well as lps, beta vhs and audio tapes though I do not use them. I also kept all the art of my daughter Mirielle as well as all the court records of the battle for her custody.

In Oakville I recall spending endless hours playing a Burl Ives album over and over. He was one of my first heroes. I sang with the record and still know every note and nuance of that album, from oogie woogie bee to it takes a worried man. Coincidentally, I found out much later that he was a personal friend of my grandparents and had even slept in their spare room. I have a picture of them together in a rowboat in NZ. After grade 3 our family moved to ten acres out in the wilds of Georgetown called Wildwood Manor. The problem was the family left me behind. Some neighbour (the Snoffels?) called around and some 8 hours later the family came and picked me up. Once out of Oakville I never returned or saw my friends again which has  been a constant problem with my life on the move; however in 1997, early for a meeting in Oakville, I went around my old neighbourhood. I left a note at the house I believed was Heathers house and 3 days later I got a call from her! "Are you the boy who threw the mouse on me?", yes I confessed, delighted and yet stunned she remembered, but how did I remember her full name and address for some 37 years since I was 8? A Christmas card arrived in 1997 from Heather with a mouse Santa on the front, unbelievable! I attended Stewarttown Public school, a four room country school. Our classroom was for grade 4 and 5 and they accidentally put me in grade 5. I went and set the record straight with Mrs. McKelvey my teacher and was given the right books for grade 4; I should have kept my mouth shut. I was the class clown and as such spent a lot of time out in the hall. How are kids supposed to get ahead spending hours standing in the hall? I calculate that from grade 4-8 I spent at least 200 or more hours standing in the hall. I got the strap often. Once I was caught doing art for a mother’s day card and I recall that the tears had washed out some of the art which I gave my mom anyway. In grade 6 our class made a year book “30? Nuts In A Shell” and someone’s art featured me balancing on the back legs of my chair which I did a lot to keep myself occupied. This trick often ended with me crashing to the ground. During these years I ran several paper routes for the Globe and Mail. Delivering in Glen Williams in winter was hell. I had to get up at 5am and often had to walk crying from frozen feet and hands. When I would finish I was often late for the school bus and then would have to walk the 3-4 miles to school. I believe I used to hitch hike as I walked. Sometimes I rode my pony on delivery and even at least once I rode my pony to school. In 1967 our grade 8 class boarded a bus for Montreal and Expo 67 which was awesome. Our graduation dance was a horror from hell for me. I had no social skills nor did I have the first idea about a public dance.

High school was hard for me. I felt lost in the big school. My mom was having sex with many of the neighbours husbands, and in fact I quit being religious the morning after I caught Mr. Gimpel and her screwing on our sofa, I had to serve her the sacraments in our church where I was crucifer, alter boy and choir member. ALSO I WAS BEING ABUSED PHYSICALLY and emotionally on a daily basis by my mom. She would come close to me and shout with all her might that I was worthless etc etc. After several years of this I learnt to tune her out. I could see her lips moving. spit flying but could not hear her. This became a problem later in life as I would often ask people to repeat what they said as I tuned them out accidentally. Oh the beatings, they were hard to tune out She drew blood often, hitting me with anything at hand she went through lots of kitchen utensils on me kids golf clubs, anything within reach. One time swinging a hammer at me she got me in the back of the head which took 4 stitches to close. Besides the paper routes  and school I was running her little hobby farm feeding and cleaning 20 pigs, feeding horses, milking our cow and the watering, oh the watering. Every year the barn water froze and I carried bucket after bucket from the kitchen sink to the barn, maybe 250 yards away. It could not be avoided that water splashed as I walked down into my gumboots. I would work until about 930pm like this and ended up by 17 with rheumatism in my feet. By 930 the kids were usually in bed I had dinner then began washing dishes. As these were finishing was usually when my mom in drunken fits would assault me. I never knew who called Children’s Aid but they came by one day and asked me a bunch of questions. There was no doubt what the answers were as further beatings were sure to get worse if I was to spill the beans. They never came back but the beatings always did. Children’s Aid were a lousy bunch; at the very least incompetent at their job. In the21st century I believe they have elevated this to an art and it is completely overrun by sadists who deliberately foster child abuse. A recent political cartoon shows a new CAS going up between a morgue and a hospital the caption has the worker saying location location location,

I ran away from home first when I was thirteen unable to tolerate another beating. I hung out in the woods until 11pm or then snuck back home and into the barn but my mom caught me. If such a thing is possible I think she was possessed by the devil. At 13 I began working picking fruit strawberries tomatoes and apples and as such filled in a form for my social insurance number. I filled in my name as Mike Milne not knowing I was actually Mike Forster but I none the less received a SIN for the ficticous name. I even later received driver’s license and passport in that name. It was not until 1991 that the British Embassy informed me I was actually Mike Forster. It was easiest at that time to sign a form to say that I wished to continue using this sydonome rather than reapply. I continue to use this name to save the bother. In high school I had a best friend Bruce Gregg we hung out a lot especially skipping class to play pool. In 1969 I was offered a seat on a bus to Woodstock, but realizing I had farm chores to do I declined. If I was a year older I would have said screw the chores and gone for the ride of my life.


this biography can be purchased in its entirity by emailing spacermike007@yahoo.ca

Babylon the Plunderer
Will be captured
Put to shame with their idols
Filled with terror.
She has sinned against God
Judah in tears seeks the Lord's Zion, flee out
An alliance from the north, she will soon be broken
God sets a trap, vengeance for His Temple
To repay her defying the Lord
And keeping God's people  held fast and oppressed.

Joe Oriolo's Felix 

Abstract surrealism was abundant in many of the classic Felix shorts. Shown here is a still from "Felix Woos Whoopee" (1930).

"Felix Woos Whoopee"

 has this Escher got a hidden holographic image?Author Hunter Thompson stands at the premiere of the movie based on his book, 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,'  on  May 19, 1998 in New York.  Plans for a public ceremony celebrating the life of Hunter S. Thompson have been canceled in favor of a private memorial service. The Aug. 20 ceremony, which will include the scattering of the author's ashes on his Aspen-area ranch, will coincide with the six-month anniversary of Thompson's death, said Doug Brinkley, one of the planners of the memorial, on Tuesday, May 24, 2005.(AP Photo/Kathy Willens)
 Author Hunter Thompson stands at the premiere of the movie


Copyright 2005 Gary Paiva - All Rights Reserved.
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Materials: Acrylic on wood

A student exhibition inspired by Yoko Ono's Instruction Works won praise from the artist herself Tuesday at its opening in Frankfurt.
 Artist and activist Ono attended the opening of Dream Universe, an exhibit by 15 students from Frankfurt's Staedelschule art school. In addition to thanking the artists and organizers for choosing to highlight her work, she spoke about the importance of art in today's society."There is so much confrontation and violence in the world that art is increasingly important," Ono said..In other Beatle related news Strawberry Field, the Liverpool orphanage immortalized in song by John Lennon, has closed down.

The gates to the Strawberry Field Children's Home in Liverpool

Yoko was  a guest on the Conan O'Brien late night show May 3, 2003 on NBC.  Yoko danced out onto the stage while Conan's band played their instrumental version of "Walking On Thin Ice," prompting Conan to jump up and dance along.  (see photo)

Before Conan could ask her any questions, Yoko commented about how tall Conan is, and said he didn't look like a member of the human race, but rather more like a tree.  Then just as Conan was settling in to ask Yoko questions, she pulled out a black bag and instructed him to climb in.  He did as was asked, then Yoko climbed in after him.

Yoko helps Conan into the Bag...

Conan emerges half-dressed while Yoko stands next to him in the Bag

The audience was going wild as both Conan and Yoko began tossing articles of clothing out of the bag.  We could hear Yoko reassuring Conan that since he's a conservative guy, he didn't have to take off "all" of his clothes, but just what he felt comfortable with.  Conan protested when Yoko asked him to remove his socks, claiming he hadn't bathed.

Eventually, Yoko had lost her leather jacket, boots and socks and Conan had lost his shirt and shoes.    "Walking On Thin Ice" wasn't even mentioned, other than a reference to Yoko's music now being listened to by young people in dance clubs.

Yoko made a rare live appearance on a U.S. tv regis

2003 Juno Award Winner
Ranks in Top Third of New York's Village Voice Critics' Poll

"Derek Miller's new touring band rocks with the kind of aplomb usually reserved for seasoned veterans." (CREEM magazine, USA) Juno and Nammy award-winning singer/songwriter and blues-rock guitar virtuoso extraordinaire DEREK MILLER has just been touted in the Year's Best for New York's Village Voice. This nod is on the heels of Derek's making the Top Ten of the Year in the Detroit Metro Times critics poll, alongside the likes of Alice Cooper and the White Stripes. At #374, Miller's CD places in the top poll's 28 percent of more than 1,950 entries, tied with Gord Downie ("Battle of the Nudes") and topping Pat Metheny ("One Quiet Night"), Dwight Yokum ("Population Me"), Dave Holland Quintet, Sam Roberts ("We Were Born in a Flame"), John Mayer ("Heavier Things" and Fabric13"), Neil Young ("On the Beach") amongst many others. The results are posted at http://www.villagevoice.com/specials/pazznjop/03/albums_winners11.php

In November 2003, Derek won the prestigious Best Blues / Jazz Recording at the 2003 Native American Music Awards, held at the Isleta Casino Resort in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Derek was also nominated for Artist of the Year, Best Song/Single of the Year, and Best Producer.

Last year, Derek has showcased at Canadian Music Week, JunoFest, NxNE and at Grammy Week in New York, and recently brought the house down with a live performance at the Nammys. This spring sees Derek back at Canadian Music Week, prior to showcasing at the New Orleans Jazz Festival.

Derek led the musical tribute to Robbie Robertson's induction into Canada's Walk of Fame, playing alongside Tom Cochrane and Sarah Harmer at Roy Thomson Hall last June. The performance was broadcast live on Global Television.

Last summer, Derek played a full slate of festivals across Canada, winning new fans and renewing old acquaintances all along the way. Derek opened for George Thorogood in Montreal and David Clayton Thomas' Blood Sweat & Tears at Festival of Friends in Hamilton. Derek kicked off Canada Day at Queen Park and opened the first Toronto Star Bluesfest at Toronto's CNE.

Derek has been touring to support the release of his original debut album, MUSIC IS THE MEDICINE, co-produced by Derek and Juno award-winning producer Brandon Friesen for Arbor Records in Canada. The CD is available in the USA on the Grammy-winning label SOAR Records.Track 1 - Music Is The Medicine | Track 2 - Wheels On Fire |
Track 3 - End Of The World | Track 4 - Into The Storm | Track 5 - Heaven | Track 6 - War Shack | Track 7 - Lovesick Blues | Track 8 - Someone Call An Angel Down |
Track 9 - Fortune Teller | Track 10 - Jaded Are My Wings/Track 11 - Corn Cob Soup |

sound being transfered into the wood from the strings via the bridge, a resonance pattern is formed on the face of the guitar. This pattern changes with individual instruments, and luthieres have been experimenting for centirues on different patterns of small wooden struts

'Star Wars' fans stay up  to get 'Revenge'

19 May 2005

TORONTO - Carla Henderson was one of the first people to see Revenge of the Sith, the latest and last Star Wars movie, when it opened to the general public early Thursday morning. The fact that Henderson was willing to stay up for a screening that didn't begin until just past midnight Wednesday night is only one measure of the 22-year-old's devotion to George Lucas's space-fantasy saga.

Henderson, who studies film at Queen's University, has made a lifelong commitment to Star Wars: on the small of her back is a tattoo in the shape of a Rebel Alliance insignia, which she had etched into her skin five years ago. "I'm a pretty big fan," she said while waiting for Revenge to begin. "I have been for about eight years."  Roughly 2,000 Star Wars devotees packed into six sold-out midnight screenings of the film at Paramount Toronto, a downtown theatre operated by the Famous Players chain in Canada's largest city. A smattering came to the Paramount in costume – there was a Darth Vader here, a Princess Leia there – but most showed up in street clothes. Henderson chose to wear her Obi-Wan Kenobi costume. "He's sort of the star Jedi," she explained. As even non-fans know by now, Revenge of the Sith tells the story of how the Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker (Canada's Hayden Christensen) is seduced by the dark side of the Force and is transformed into the evil cyborg Darth Vader. Unlike the last two prequels, film critics have given Revenge generally positive notices. Henderson agreed with the reviewers, saying after the movie she was "pleasantly surprised" by what she saw. "George Lucas learned how to direct. Hayden Christensen learned how to act," she quipped, adding that she felt the final scenes were at odds with the mostly somber tone: "It ended on kind of a hokey high note." Another fan, 19-year-old chef David Zilber, said afterwards he was impressed with how Lucas pulled all of the epic tale's plot threads together (although Revenge is the sixth film to be made, it falls third in the Star Wars timeline).

Water Phala - Plates
Name: Water Phala - Plates

Photo Caption: "The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters":

let me get a ride in your Mazzaratti when you ah-hem get your $$$$. Ha-ha-ha oh thats a funny one, oh my sides are aching, I just had a tooth pulled, stop making me laugh, its making my gums bleed more.....

 Hope everything is on 4 Fri. I will try to arrive 4 ish.... was marooned by bus service got home like 230 am walked for miles last Fri. I will carry cell & taxi # next time.

I believe I have figured out and can play that base pattern for Black Magic Woman,not sure how many repeats before the awesome pattern the bass plays to

Got a black magic woman Got a black magic woman
I’ve got a black magic woman Got me so blind I can’t see
That she’s a black magic woman She’s trying to make a devil out of me
Don’t turn your back on me baby Don’t turn your back on me baby
Yes don’t turn your back on me baby Stop messing ’round with your tricks
Don’t turn your back on me baby You just might pick up my magic sticks
Got your spell on me baby Got your spell on me baby
Yes you got your spell on me baby Turning my heart into stone
I need you so bad, magic woman I can’t leave you alone

Oye como va mi ritmo Bueno pa gosar mulata
como va mi ritmo Bueno pa gosar mulata

Nobody knows where you are, how near or how far.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Pile on many more layers and I’ll be joining you there.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
And we’ll bask in the shadow of yesterday’s triumph,
And sail on the steel breeze.
Come on you boy child, you winner and loser,
Come on you miner for truth and delusion, and shine!

[01:35]so, so you think you can tell
01:41]heaven from hell,5]blue skys from pain.9]can you tell a green field3]from a cold steel rail? ]a smile from a veil? ]do you think you can tell?
]and did they get you to trade]your heros for ghosts? ]hot ashes for trees? ]hot air for a cool breeze? ]cold comfort for change? ]and did you exchange]a walk on part in the war]for a lead role in a cage?

Money, get away.
Get a good job with good pay and you’re okay.
Money, it’s a gas.
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I’ll buy me a football team.
Money, get back.I’m all right jack keep your hands off of my stack. Money, it’s a hit.
Don’t give me that do goody good bullshit. I’m in the high-fidelity first class traveling set And I think I need a lear jet.

Money, it’s a crime. Share it fairly but don’t take a slice of my pie. Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today. But if you ask for a raise it’s no surprise that they’re Giving none away.
Huhuh! I was in the right! Yes, absolutely in the right! I certainly was in the right!
You was definitely in the right. that geezer was cruising for a
Bruising! Yeah! Why does anyone do anything?
I don’t know, I was really drunk at the time!
I was just telling him, he couldn’t get into number 2. he was asking
Why he wasn’t coming up on freely, after I was yelling and
Screaming and telling him why he wasn’t coming up on freely.
It came as a heavy blow, but we sorted the matter out

Well, I dreamed I saw the knights In armor coming,
Saying something about a queen. There were peasants singing and Drummers drumming And the archer split the tree.
There was a fanfare blowing To the sun That was floating on the breeze. Look at mother nature on the run
In the nineteen seventies. Look at mother nature on the run In the twenty first century.
I was lying in a burned out basement                 

With the full moon in my eyes. I was hoping for replacement When the sun burst thru the sky.
There was a band playing in my head And I felt like getting high. I was thinking about what a Friend had said
I was hoping it was a lie. Thinking about what a Friend had said I was hoping it was a lie.
Well, I dreamed I saw the silver Space ships flying In the yellow haze of the sun,
There were children crying And colors flying All around the chosen ones. All in a dream, all in a dream
The loading had begun.They were flying mother nature’s
Silver seed to a new home in the sun. Flying mother nature’s Silver seed to a new home. (in the sun)

selling big band records and chart-topping singles. He is the winner of six Juno Awards.

Joni Mitchell

Joni Mitchell's first paid performance was at The Louis Riel in Saskatoon in 1962. Mitchell says "I started making music in Saskatchewan mostly up at the northern lakes, up around Lake Waskesiu…it was just self-entertainment with the gang then." Mitchell's "self-entertainment" has since evolved into a style beloved the world over.

Juno awards ...be there

the dark force has spoken! 

We all know what fanatics Star Wars fans can be. Ever since George Lucas' first epic appeared in 1977, devotees have patiently begun vigils anxiously awaiting the next episode. On May 19th/05, the prayers of the faithful will be answered, when Revenge of the Sith opens across North America. Several people have already started to line up outside an L.A. theatre in anticipation of being the first to see the flick. Eleven followers have taken up residence outside the famous Grauman's Chinese Theatre to spend their Star Wars days and Jedi nights waiting for the flick to debut. At least one has come from as far away as Australia just to sit there for seven weeks. The force may not be with them. Officials insist they're at the wrong movie palace. 20th Century Fox has decided to show the film at a cinema called the ArcLight theatre instead. Mona
      Title: Mona










Rape of Europa 






Buffy Sainte-Marie

Buffy Sainte-Marie is an artist of remarkable accomplishment. Her career has spanned three decades since her emergence in the 1960s. During this time, she has been a clear and certain voice for the native peoples of the world. She has captured the hearts of millions with compelling songs of love, despair and longing for a better life for all.

 - Neil Young

Her Majesty

HNI has been privileged to produce a very special hologram. We were approached last winter by Spatial Imaging and artist Chris Levine of London to create a very large holographic portrait of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II. Two photographic sessions were granted with the queen at Buckingham Palace. Levine worked with Rob Munday and Jeffrey Robb of Spatial to shoot the 200 frame sequences required for our holographic process. These were then sent to us, and our staff produced the 85x120cm hologram. Prince Charles recently unveiled the first copy at The Jersey Museum in St. Helier. The piece, entitled Equanimity, was commissioned to celebrate the 800th anniversary of Jersey's allegiance to the crown. Illuminated with deep blue LED lights, the image is strikingly realistic, quite royal, and yet very warm in its effect.

The Monet Family (1976.201.14). Boating (29.100.115), also painted during the summer of 1874, records a moment when Manet, Monet, and Auguste Renoir painted together at Argenteuil, a suburb northwest of Paris.

That spring, Degas, Monet, and Morisot were among the artists who exhibited together as the Société Anonyme des Artistes Peintres, Sculpteurs, Graveurs (an event more commonly referred to as the first Impressionist exhibition).



Poster Patrol
They stand out as the first thing you often see about a festival in the city of Toronto – the posters. Yet these disposable bits of advertising can evoke a good time and a good place that even photographs can’t muster. Which brings us to the Artcity Festival Poster exhibit, a chance to take another look at the extensive work that goes into the ads that are often overlooked when there’s other things to see. “Every poster is a story, and a beautiful story,” reveals curator Max Moore. “And … the amount of art in every one of these posters is phenomenal.” All the major events are represented, including Caribana, the Beaches Downtown Jazz Festival, Afrofest, The Toronto International Film Festival, NXNE, Canadian Music Week and more. “What we’re trying to show is that Toronto has some of the best festivals in the world,” Moore explains. “And that comes through in the posters.” Moore is especially fond of the Lone Ranger satire that marked a recent celebration. “I really like the Imagine Native, with an emphasis on the Native,” he laughs.

 the louvre

Louis David
The Consecration of the Emperor Napoleon and the Coronation of Empress Josephine (December 2, 1804)
H 6.21 m; W 9.79 m.  Appointed official painter to the Emperor in December 1804, David was given the task of commemorating the Coronation festivities in four huge canvasses, only two of which were executed (the Distribution of the Eagles is at Versailles), This ceremony took place in the cathedral of Notre-Dame in Paris. David chose to show the episode following the actual consecration: Napoleon crowning Josephine while Pope Pius VII gives him his blessing. The action is only a small part of a composition conceived as an enormous group portrait containing over a hundred figures.

Screen image
      Artist: John Perry, USA


Stella image
      Artist: Frank Stella, USA
      Artist: Betsy Connors, USA
Rubin image
      Artist: Ariel Rubin

Bronze Ship
      Title: Bronze Ship 

Photo by David Atlas

  U2, Guy Rock the Hall

Rock giants, blues vet, soul men and New Wavers honored in New York

The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame celebrated its twentieth anniversary -- and the fiftieth anniversary of rock itself.
 in a ceremony that peaked with Bruce Springsteen inducting U2 and Neil Young ushering in the Pretenders. Justin Timberlake welcomed the O'Jays into the Hall, B.B. King and Eric Clapton joined forces to pay tribute to fellow bluesman Buddy Guy, and Rod Stewart inducted soul singer Percy Sledge.Neil Young offered high praise for New Wave rockers the Pretenders, explaining that he and Crazy Horse mined the band's debut album for ideas in the early Eighties.
Neil Young
 "They went through all the heartache that rock & roll is built on. They lost two key members and they never gave up," said Young, referring to the deaths of guitarist James Honeyman-Scott and bassist Pete Farndon. Frontwoman Chrissie Hynde and the band's current lineup -- which includes founding drummer Martin Chambers -- then blasted through fierce, punked-up versions of "Message of Love," "My City Was Gone" (with Young adding squalling lead guitar) and "Precious."
Eric Clapton

                             I miss the days of quiet solitude... 
... the peaceful rythmns, smells and sounds of rustic life.


I am writing a poem in protest

to all bad leadership and terrorists

that have waged wars and brought suffering on all of humanity, and damaged our beautiful planet. It is called Extreme. I hope that God will pursuade the leaders of the world to make amends and eliminate the protracted agony of our people and this wonderful world. Amen


What makes you unbreakable and yet I shatter like a glass

Are you genuinely honest or a greedy selfish pig.

Which side are you on when darkness falls

Are you the guiding light I seek or a dirty rotten scum.

You betayed the only trust I have and all of humanity

Are you a racist or a man in wolfs hide

Or winter in a summer wind

No thoughts for my suffering


Now you are cold as cold can be

Then you are hot as hot can be

Baby you are the Extreme!!!

Man I've climbed the highest mountain

Man I've swum the deepest sea

Man I've cross the mighty ocean and flew across all three

Man I've landed on the moon for you and crossed the galaxy

What else do you want of me.

Why are you picking a little fight with me.

Are you on the Extremity.


I am not a spiderman a wolfman an X-man or

A superhero on your mind 

Are you the richest man on earth or poor as hell can be

You spent eight trillion dollars once but not on folks like me

I am clearly not like you

You have my sympathy

You nasty hot chilli pepper pounding on my boy

I can see the weasel in the flea

You jackass don't you fuck with me.

I've lived a thousand million years on earth.

You hardly make the scene


Do you have to destroy all for oil

Take all the oil and all the spoil 

All you want is to have some fun 

What are you, a night fly or a microscopic mite

Black and White is not all right

Everybody needed to be satisfied

Watch your step and watch your flight

Extreme power becomes extreme might

Life is but extreme for you


All beginings also must end

Look at God and look at Man 

You will understand

Would you go to Heaven or would you go to Hell

There are no limbo in between

Except on earth we have a chance

To share the joy and peace

And moderation not extreme.



                        sent to us by "Anon" Edouard Manet. Blonde with Bare Breasts.


Carole of the Light


A point of light

Blazed across the Starry Night

Searching for the Carole of the light

Where do kindly Angels dwell?

Bramaloka, where all are well!

Tiny speckle of light,

folding space and time

Portrait of the God head planted in her mind

Penetrates the depth where secrets lie.

Today you will be with me in paradise

Be not afraid.

Immortal souls rising from the dead

You are living on the Confluence edge.

To herald the coming of the Golden Age

Where love shall triumph over hate.

And peace shall mark the Golden Age

Happy Valentine 2005


TSUNAMI - 2004

A hundred years of Anger's fury heave

upon the poor maiden of the East.

What in nature’s hell release

a monster or a watery beast.

Destructions suffering beyond belief.

The world can only watch in grief.

In desolations you have made,

a thunderous wave a pillage of disgrace.

Children playing on the sandy beach

are swept into the ocean deep.

I cannot bear to see the mothers cry.

The innocents are not supposed to die.

To God our incantations pray

why have they got to go this way.

Nobody can be blamed

Paradise will not be the same again.

I know not why I have to cry.

The innocents are not supposed to die.




I know how bad you feel about me

I know how sad you feel about me

Wasted time and wasted life, blame it all on me

Forget it, don't rub it on yourself, just rub it all on me

Let yourself go free like that bird flying on the tree

Do what you wanna do

If its make you feel better I'll put my head on the platter

Life goes on, it does'nt matter if you ended in the gutter

Don't feel sad everybody is'nt that bad

Treat me with some respect like Mom amy gitnd Dad

Just let it go you stubborn cad.

Pack your bags girl, you bloody immigrant

Good riddance, don't look back. Like Arnold I'll be back

You are so funny when I have some money

Where are you now I am broke

I'll be sorry, I am sorry for your loving me

What is left tomorrow is just a story

So don't bitch me do this or do that

Just remember I am not your Dad

Just remember me I am but a memory

So just let it go hunny

Looking out the window pane, I see the Twins are gone

I love you all so much, I wished you were not born

Does it matter right or wrong once life is taken it is gone

Remember Mom and Dad We once you loved them all so bad

What am I to do, they are all gone too

What are you hiding dear, why are you so afraid

What is all this fuzz, in 20 years we will all be dead

Things got to get better says the mad hatter

So let the spirit fly, let the beer flow by

Let the weed grow high and smoke in your eyes

This is Canada, it's cool in paradise

Baby forgive me if you cannot compromise

Let bygones be bygone, sing along with me

Let it Go, let it go.......................

John and Yoko at the Grammy Awards
March 1, 1975

The Story of Schroedinger's Cat (An Epic Poem)

Editor's Note: The following paradoxical verse was created by syndicated columnist Cecil Adams ["The Straight Dope"®] in response to a query from a reader... also written in verse.

Dear Cecil:

Cecil, you're my final hope
Of finding out the true Straight Dope
For I have been reading of Schroedinger's cat
But none of my cats are at all like that.
This unusual animal (so it is said)
Is simultaneously live and dead!
What I don't understand is just why he
Can't be one or other, unquestionably.
My future now hangs in between eigenstates.
In one I'm enlightened, the other I ain't.
If you understand, Cecil, then show me the way
And rescue my psyche from quantum decay.
But if this queer thing has perplexed even you,
Then I will and won't see you in Schroedinger's zoo.
-Randy F., Chicago

Dear Randy:

Schroedinger, Erwin! Professor of physics!
Wrote daring equations! Confounded his critics!
(Not bad, eh? Don't worry. This part of the verse
Starts off pretty good, but it gets a lot worse.)
Win saw that the theory that Newton'd invented
By Einstein's discov'ries had been badly dented.
What now? wailed his colleagues. Said Erwin, "Don't panic,
No grease monkey I, but a quantum mechanic.
Consider electrons. Now, these teeny articles
Are sometimes like waves, and then sometimes like particles.
If that's not confusing, the nuclear dance
Of electrons and suchlike is governed by chance!
No sweat, though-my theory permits us to judge
Where some of 'em is and the rest of 'em was."
Not everyone bought this. It threatened to wreck
The comforting linkage of cause and effect.
E'en Einstein had doubts, and so Schroedinger tried
To tell him what quantum mechanics implied.
Said Win to Al, "Brother, suppose we've a cat,
And inside a tube we have put that cat at-
Along with a solitaire deck and some Fritos,
A bottle of Night Train, a couple mosquitoes
(Or something else rhyming) and, oh, if you got 'em,
One vial prussic acid, one decaying ottom
Or atom-whatever-but when it emits,
A trigger device blasts the vial into bits
Which snuffs our poor kitty. The odds of this crime
Are 50 to 50 per hour each time.
The cylinder's sealed. The hour's passed away. Is
Our pussy still purring-or pushing up daisies?
Now, you'd say the cat either lives or it don't
But quantum mechanics is stubborn and won't.
Statistically speaking, the cat (goes the joke),
Is half a cat breathing and half a cat croaked.
To some this may seem a ridiculous split,
But quantum mechanics must answer, "Tough @#&!
We may not know much, but one thing's fo' sho':
There's things in the cosmos that we cannot know.
Shine light on electrons-you'll cause them to swerve.
The act of observing disturbs the observed-
Which ruins your test. But then if there's no testing
To see if a particle's moving or resting
Why try to conjecture? Pure useless endeavor!
We know probability-certainty, never.'
The effect of this notion? I very much fear
'Twill make doubtful all things that were formerly clear.
Till soon the cat doctors will say in reports,
"We've just flipped a coin and we've learned he's a corpse."'
So saith Herr Erwin. Quoth Albert, "You're nuts.
God doesn't play dice with the universe, putz.
I'll prove it!" he said, and the Lord knows he tried-
In vain-until fin'ly he more or less died.
Win spoke at the funeral: "Listen, dear friends,
Sweet Al was my buddy. I must make amends.
Though he doubted my theory, I'll say of this saint:
Ten-to-one he's in heaven-but five bucks says he ain't."

Visual Alchemy

66 jazz bass

    1951 Fender  Precision